These are the Days

Balancing Act

2012-01-24T14:06:00.000-08:00

There are days when things are running by so smoothly and then bam, it seems it comes from all sides. After a smooth Christmas season, 2012 hit us like a ton of bricks and hasn't really stopped.

So, one of the challenges with Charlie is that whenever he has a virus or illness, his GI system just shuts down. We can't feed him through his j-tube because it just leaks right back out, including bile, which in turn irritates and blisters his skin. He is already really small and we don't have weight that we can lose. So, during sick season, we are often in a get sick, lose weight, get better, catch up phase. We don't make much progress. It can be very frustrating as when he is well, things seem to be okay...and they can turn on a dime and it disrupts everything. The balancing act is trying to keep him hydrated during the time he isn't eating, avoid a hospital stay and get his GI tract moving again. It is a frustrating process with a lot of ups and downs, steps forward, steps back. He got a mild virus on New Years and we struggled with him for the next 2-3 weeks. During that time, we were advised that it might be time to go to a hospital where they have more specialty in this area and that Charlie overall seems to be getting worse, not better, with his GI motility. Unfortunately, that place is more than halfway across the country. We are working on getting him in there and hoping that they have some treatment options that can help improve things for him, especially when he is sick.

This pregnancy has been going so well. No problems whatsoever. In fact, most often, it is the furthest thing from my mind as my hands are full with my two very active little boys! Well, on Sunday, all of that changed. Jared had just returned from San Diego and I was packing to leave to San Diego in the morning. This is a very busy time at work for me. I hadn't felt the baby move since early that morning. I tried to get kick counts that evening and I couldn't get him to move at all. We watched a show, I tried a few different positions and still nothing. I have a home Doppler, so I then got it out for reassurance that he was just sleepy. Usually, that thing has to only come near my belly and I can hear him loud and clear. Not this time. I tried and tried and could not find a heartbeat. Finally, in a panic, I called my dad and he advised me to head to Labor and Delivery to check things out. I've never been so scared as I was driving over there. Unfortunately, Jared had to stay with Charlie and couldn't come with me. I was praying and willing the baby to move the entire drive to the hospital. When I got there, they also had trouble finding him on the monitors. Fortunately, we were able to get a nice, reassuring shot of a beating heart on the ultrasound. I was so relieved. They decided to put him on monitoring for 20 minutes because I had reported the decreased fetal movement. During that monitoring, it showed our little guy is having a little bit of a hard time tolerating his environment. So, I got admitted and preparations began for the possible need to deliver our baby at 28 weeks. Now, we have had a preterm infant before and we have no desire to repeat that experience. That was at 34 weeks, which is a very different landscape than 28 weeks. We also have two children at home now, which we didn't when Jack was born.

We are lucky to be in a hospital with great care and great doctors who are trying to get us to the best outcome possible. We started steroids for the baby's lungs early on Monday morning and magnesium sulphate to help protect the baby's brain against damage if he were to be born early. My parents flew up to be with me and Jared's parents drove up to help care for Jack and Charlie. We are currently in a waiting pattern, monitoring the baby and seeing what he does. I'm stuck here in the hospital for the foreseeable future and Jared and I are trying to figure out this huge, seemingly insurmountable balancing act...two jobs, kids, therapy appointments, doctor appointments, and anything else that can happen in between, such as, say, Charlie getting a virus. Not to mention that, clearly, we aren't headed anywhere across the country for Charlie. To say that I am completely overwhelmed by this new balancing act would be putting it mildly. I feel terrible that we are having to make choices like postponing when we get Charlie care, how to get Jack to and from therapy appointments, whether it will even be feasible for Jared to attend the birth of this baby, etc. Not to mention that I could be here for weeks and weeks and not see my kids much.

So, that is where we are at. I never saw this coming. I have faith and hope we will figure this out. We are blessed with wonderful family, friends and employers. But I am completely overwhelmed by the logistics.

Christmas 2011

2011-12-28T11:31:00.000-08:00

This was definitely the most fun Christmas we've had since becoming parents. This was the first year Jack and Charlie (but Jack especially) really understood and appreciated Christmas. Some highlights from this season:

We kicked off the season on the Sunday after Thanksgiving with a visit to the Festival of Lights at The Grotto , these beautiful gardens that they decorate in lights to tell the story of Christmas, complete with a spectacular nativity scene. Both kids really loved it and we learned here that Jack really adores carolers.

We decided to do one Christmasy activity a week this year. After the Grotto, we also visited Zoo Lights (more carolers!), a Christmas light festival at a raceway (a drive through thing), we did one evening of Christmas shopping at the mall, the Polar Express (more on that below), and a repeat visit to the Grotto.

We took a trip on the Polar Express this year. We have never successfully gotten Jack to sit on Santa's lap without a lot of fuss and crying. Well, the Polar Express was the perfect antidote to that. It was an old-fashioned passenger train, they served hot chocolate and, upon arrival at the North Pole, Santa boarded the train. He then sat with each family for a visit. It was a very personal, non-threatening atmosphere. Both Jack and Charlie sat on his lap. Jack asked for a train, a boat, and skis. Silly boy. I don't know where he gets this stuff!

Christmas music stole the show this year. We put on carols in the car every time we went anywhere. Jack and Charlie both have their favorite songs, which they would ask for at various times. Jingle Bells, Away in a Manger ("Jesus Born" as my boys call it), We Wish You a Merry Christmas, Deck the Halls, and Oh Christmas Tree top the list of favorites. I wish I could seal Charlie's little voice singing "Jingle Bells, jingle bells, hey!" in my head forever. When we visited the nativity scene at the Grotto, Jack approached it singing "Away in a Manger." I'm glad they both seem to understand what the meaning of the season is (Charlie regularly yells out "Jesus Birthday!").

When we got married, Jared and I invested in a Lionel electric train with plans to buy a new car or part to the train each year. We got the Polar Express version. Our goal was that by the time our children are grown, we will be able to give them the start to their own Christmas trains. We definitely reaped the benefits of this investment this year. The kids were captivated by the train. Jack became a very adept "conductor" and can operate the train quite well. It is a special thing and reminds me of my grandfather.

Buddy the Elf was a fun addition to this year. The kids had a lot of fun finding him every morning. On Christmas Eve, he wrapped up his stay with us by making snow angels in sugar. Then, that night, Jack gave him a hug and a kiss and tucked him under the tree so Santa could take him back to the North Pole.

When my parents came to visit, my mother made Christmas cookies. The boys had such fun decorating them with her.

Having my parents and aunt visit for Christmas was so special. I think this may have been the first year in many, many years that my family did not congregate at my parents' house (we've missed a few Christmases down there living 1,000 miles away but everyone else is usually there). With all of us flung far and wide now, we got the benefit of having them visit here. We had a wonderful visit.

Tube Feeds Tricks, Tips and Techniques

2011-09-20T16:16:00.000-07:00

When we first got a g-tube, I scoured the internet for tube feeding resources. After 1.5 years of tube feeding and surviving granulation tissue, infections, feeding the bed, making countless bags of formula, and other tube-feeding mishaps, I feel like something of an expert in this field (except blenderized diets--this is a tube feeding area I know next to nothing about). I thought, for the benefit of other Googlers out there, I would publish some of the things we have found to work.

Caveat: every tube feeding family does it a little different and has different circumstances. My son is on continuous feeds, which is more the exception than the norm. So, some of these things won't make sense for bolus feeding.

**Calmoseptine Ointment: available over the counter in pharmacies (but usually kept behind the counter), Calmoseptine has been the most effective preventive solution to granulation tissue. We put a thick layer on the stoma and then cover it with gauze or button buddies (see below).
**Dressings: Some people don't use dressing for their stomas. Our boys have too much discharge and we find they stay healthier when we keep them covered. We use a combination of split gauze (aka IV sponges) and Button Buddies or a derivative thereof. There are lots of tube feeding mamas who make little g-tube pads to be used in place of gauze. They can be washed and re-used and are often made in cute patterns. Search Etsy as there are many different options.
**Extension Tubing: This is the tubing that attaches to the button (g-tube) and then is further attached to the feeding bag. What kind you can use depends in part on what kind of g-tube you have. We have always had MIC-Key or MIC-Key equivalent g-tube buttons (AMT Mini One). I prefer the AMT Mini-One MIC-Key Compatible extension tubing versus the actual MIC-Key brand tubing. It has a wider diameter, is more flexible and holds the "christmas tree" tip of the feeding bag in place more securely. We use two kinds: the right-angle single port (purple tip) tubes and the y-port (it has a med port for administering meds) right-angle (clear tips) tubes. In all, I prefer using the single port because my son had a habit of opening the med port on the y-port tubes and then getting yucky formula on everything. However, the single port was a challenge to administer medications through. We recently found that using Luer-Lok syringes makes it easy to administer meds through the single port. The Luer-Lok syringe tip fits perfectly and securely into the extension tubing.
**Syringes: see my discussion of Luer-Lok syringes above. We generally order 10 ml syringes but you can get any size as long as they are Luer-Lok. Additionally, we always have 60 ml bolus syringes we use for venting (only necessary if your child has a Nissen Fundoplication) and water flushes.
**G-Tubes: As I mentioned, we use MIC-Key or MIC-Key equivalent g-tubes. I actually prefer AMT Mini-One g-tubes.
**Pumps: We have only ever used the Zevex Enteralite Infinity Pump. I love this pump. We have used the Kangaroo pump in the hospital and it is much heavier and bulkier. I had a small child who started using the pump at 7 mos old. He learned to sit up, crawl and walk wearing his pump. Because it hasn't impacted his mobility, I am a big fan of the Zevex. We would not have had such success with his mobility if he had used the Kangaroo.
**Backpacks: until recently, we used the Zevex Super Mini backpack for our son to carry his pump in. It is very small and makes it easy to carry, even as a baby, but it does have a bit of a tendency to "turtle" him, which can make him less stable when walking. We recently started using backpacks from Feeding Essentials, which we really like. The Feeding Essentials backpack is slimmer (slightly longer) and much lower profile. It also has a better front strap that we have determined reduces chafing on his neck from the straps. Loading the Feeding Essentials is a bit of a pain but way easier on him to carry.
**Formula Pitcher: I am all about efficiency. For this reason, I make my bags once a day and mix all of the day's formula at once. I use the Dr. Brown's formula pitcher. This is a great pitcher as it has an emulsifying mixer attachment for thoroughly combining formula and has exact measurements on the pitcher in both mls and ounces. This is critical when you have a child who is on a very controlled diet and you are counting every ounce they get. I make my bags in the evening. I take what is left of the bag he was feeding from throughout the day (kept cool with freezer packs in the backpack) and add the amount of formula I need for his overnight feed. I then take the remaining formula I have mixed and make a bag for the next day. I refrigerate that bag and then, in the morning, I just load his backpack up. It saves a lot of time.
**Bella Bands: My son goes to preschool/daycare. They were slightly concerned about other kids pulling on any excess tubing that may be visible between his clothes and the backpack. We solved this problem by buying a Bella Band (available at Target and online--it is a pregnancy band) in size XS. We then just put the Band completely over his clothes and backpack. This hides and makes any tubing completely inaccessible and has the added benefit of stabilizing him a little so that the backpack load isn't quite as back-heavy. It works great. By the way, we've never actually found an issue with kids pulling on his tubes even when they are exposed but this gives a method for peace of mind.
**Tape: We use a couple kinds of tape. We use cloth tape and satin tape (both medical tapes). The cloth tape we use to create a little tag about midway down his extension tubing. We then use the tag to diaper-pin the extension tubing to his clothes. This makes it so that if the tubing gets pulled, it will pull on his clothes and not on his actual g-tube, reducing the risk of the g-tube getting pulled out accidentally and discomfort to him. We use the satin tape to affix gauze over the stoma. We don't tape directly to the skin, we just use a little to secure the open ends of the gauze together. I don't like the irritation that taping to the skin causes.
**Nighttime feeds: Many tube families will find themselves having to do overnight feeds at one time or another. When we first got our tube, we were never given an IV pole, so we didn't even know that was an option for hanging the bag at night. However, our son doesn't frequently stay the entire night in his bed anyway (sigh) and so we found that just extending the tubing and putting the backpack in a corner of his crib worked just fine and was way more portable than the IV pole.

Hope someone comes across this and finds it helpful! These are little things that have made our days run much smoother.

Practicing Forgiveness

2011-09-07T18:36:00.000-07:00

Charlie recently graduated from the infant room to the toddler room at his school. He has adapted wonderfully--I think he was more than ready for the challenge. He most enjoys gardening. The toddlers (18 mos-2.5 years) maintain a garden, growing sweet peas, cucumbers and carrots among other treats. Evidently, Charlie is quite the avid gardener, evidenced by the wonderful cucumber he brought home from school last week. I'm just sad he can't taste the fruits of his work.

Today, the school's director told me a story that positively warmed my heart and says everything about my sweet little boy. Another friend from school tried to bite Charlie today. After counseling and a discussion of the merits of not biting your friends, the offending little boy was put in a quiet time to reflect on his behavior. Charlie stood and watched his friend in trouble and then suddenly said to Melissa (the director), "No Lissa, hug!" and went to his friend, pulled him by the hands to standing and embraced him. Then, Charlie removed his pacifier and gave him a kiss.

I love seeing my little boy learning to extend forgiveness so effortlessly. I hope he holds onto this virtue.

As I write this, I just scolded Jack for screeching and asked him to sit quietly next to me for a few moments. Charlie immediately came over to sit next to his brother. :-)

Back to Blogging

2011-08-18T20:33:00.000-07:00

I took a couple week break from my blog challenge while traveling for work for two consecutive weeks. I haven't given up and plan to try to resume on Monday but for now we are preparing for a return to the hospital...Charlie is having surgery on Monday. Despite having done this many times before, I confess I am grappling with a lot of anxiety about this particular surgery. I'm praying for an easy recovery, no complications and not too much of a setback as far as his growth is concerned. Since we got his g-j tube about two months ago, he has been gaining weight really well, better than he ever has. He has been happier, he is sleeping through the night (!) and his personality (complete with a little almost-two-year-old sass) is shining through. We've really been enjoying the little boy we've been seeing. I'm just hoping this doesn't set us back too much.

On the Jack front, we have spent most of this week trying to readjust to being back home after a prolonged stay. Charlie and I were in Southern California for the past two weeks while Jared and Jack stayed here. Jack always has a bit of an adjustment period when we come back--clingy, emotional and in need of reassurance.

Blog Challenge Day 9: Future

2011-07-27T21:23:00.000-07:00

So, I am impressing myself with my commitment to keeping up this blog challenge.

Anyway, I think this is a little redundant to the "Where I'd Like to be in Ten Years" topic but since I can't come up with something more creative, I'll just go with this one but focus on the longer, longer term.

One of my favorite songs is Alan Jackson's "Remember When." Actually I'm pretty sure it is my favorite. I always think of this song when I think of how I'd like my future to look. Starting in the far future and moving backwards, I hope and pray that Jared and I get to see each other turn gray, retire, and enjoy a whole new season of life that is hopefully full of grandchildren and adventures. I'm hoping I can shed my practical, homebody mantle and enjoy some traveling with my husband. I hope we have made wise choices that afford us the opportunity to enjoy our older years without too many financial worries.

I often pray for my children's future spouses. I like to imagine what they are doing and how they are being shaped and molded to become what I hope is the perfect complement to my kids. To that end, I hope my children find someone to love and share life with. Marriage, for me, has been one of the hardest but most rewarding experiences. I simply can't imagine doing this alone. I know this may sound far-reaching and silly at this point in Charlie's life but every time we've been told of this health challenge or that and more recently, that Charlie's feeding tube is probably a permanent fixture in his life, I worry that it will be stumbling block in his dating life. I know...he's not even two and I have more complicated and pressing matters to worry about but...I'm being honest when I say this has crossed my mind more than once.

I have a wonderful relationship with my parents and my siblings (and in-laws as well!). I hope I can cultivate the same love for family in my children and teach them to rely on each other. I hope I have a deep and meaningful friendship with my kids as they become adults.

I secretly hope I have a "second career"--maybe as a nurse? I love what I do but I also can see myself being fulfilled in a different line of work.

I hope we have a house that people love to come to...that are lives are rich with family and friends and an open door. I really love Portland, more than I expected to, and so I do see us here for the long term but I hope we find that perfect neighborhood. I grew up in a little town that was completely walkable...it was safe, I walked to school, everyone knew each other (that's a little bit of an exaggeration but not much) and it had such personality and charm (and apparently, the second best beach in the country). I really hope we can find a town with a similar feel. Oh--and I would LOVE to have a vacation home, ideally on a lake or at the coast.

Blog Challenge Day 8: Satisified

2011-07-26T18:00:00.000-07:00

So, today's topic is a time when you were most satisfied with your life. This is difficult and has required a lot of thought. It's not that I live being dissatisfied exactly but I do struggle with contentment. I am frequently worrying about or anxious about something or I am thinking about what's next to come. I am especially guilty of this when it comes to my children. I have this very acute awareness that my fertile years are fleeting and I just don't feel done. I don't even particularly want another baby right now but I also can't let go of the idea that I am not ready to be done having them either. But, I digress. Satisfaction is the word of the day.

I think the time I felt the most satisfied overall in life was shortly after we brought Jack home from the hospital. I felt so complete and not just in motherhood but in my marriage. I loved having this person between me and Jared who we created, who we were wholly responsible for. My best memories are of the nights when he was an infant. I did not breastfeed but I did pump. I, as a meticulous, perfectionist, worrying Virgo (ha ha), did not want to leave my milk supply to chance so I woke up every three hours and pumped while Jared bottle fed Jack. We got into the habit of DVR'ing mindless sitcoms and Food Network shows such as Unwrapped. We also ate copious amounts of Uncrustables during this time, which may have contributed to my inability to lose the baby weight (ahem). Anyway, those 30 minute interludes are some of my sweetest memories...we were fumbling new parents, in awe over our little baby and, while fraught with all the worries and anxieties that come with new parenthood, in those midnight moments it was just me, Jared and Jack.

Blog Challenge Day 7: Astrological Sign

2011-07-25T21:01:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: I think astrological signs are fun but pretty much nonsense.

My birthday is September 1 and I am Virgo. Based on the following description, I think it describes me pretty well, actually.

Traditional Virgo Traits:
--Modest and shy (I am modest, I am not shy)
--Meticulous and reliable (I think this is accurate)
--Intelligent and analytical (yes, at least to the analytical part!)
--Fussy and a worrier (YES)
--Overcritical and harsh (hate to admit it but yes)
--Perfectionist and conservative (yes and yes)

Blog Challenge Day 6: 30 Interesting Facts

2011-07-24T12:23:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm not sure these are interesting or not but here goes...

1. I am one of 5 children. I love coming from a big family.
2. As much as I love coming from a big family, I don't think I want more than 3 kids.
3. I am a birthing-class drop out. Made it through 1/2 of the first class and decided I would learn what I needed when I was in the situation.
4. I have a terrible sense of direction and get lost frequently. I've even gotten lost in a parking lot once.
5. I have a varsity letter in football from high school.
6. I am not athletic at all and particularly hate running.
7. I used to love in-line skating and still kind of wish I had a pair (is inline skating super dorky now???).
8. I primarily work out of my house. I love this arrangement.
9. I am terrified of birds. Especially the thought of them getting into the house and flapping around.
10. Poor table manners are a major pet peeve of mine.
11. I have a terrible habit of mispronouncing words.
12. I have a septate uterus. It has caused me all kinds of grief.
13. I love food and wish I had an easier time dieting.
14. I love newborns but I actually do not love the newborn phase of parenting.
15. In general, I love being pregnant and, after both kids were born, mourned the end of my pregnancies.
16. I always knew I wanted to be a wife and mother. There was never any question about that and I am so grateful that I was afforded the opportunity to do both. I try not to take it for granted.
17. I am very good at multi-tasking but I am learning that I struggle being "present" when there is so much technology to occupy me. I am working on that.
18. Sewing is a new-found hobby and I really love it.
19. I struggle with loving being a working mommy but also wishing I was able to be a SAHM. I wish there was a better balance. I am regretful I don't get to do all of the playgroups, etc.
20. I am not a morning person AT ALL.
21. I have no sense of style whatsoever. Last year, my older sister had to intervene and force me to buy some more stylish t-shirts. It's that bad, friends.
22. I hate doing hair and makeup but I feel so much better when I take the time to do it.
23. I can't wear white to save my life. Within an hour, I have usually spilled something on myself.
24. I am very much a girly-girl. I still love my American Girl dolls.
25. I am highly opinionated and have learned to not be quite so loudmouthed over the years.
26. I am blind without glasses and my eyes won't tolerate contacts anymore.
27. Since having kids, I have struggled with a somewhat paralyzing fear of heights.
28. I have a secret desire to live in Nashville one day.
29. I feel like I would have liked being a nurse and would consider it as a second career later in my life.
30. I didn't love my wedding dress.

Blog Challenge Day 5: Suicide

2011-07-24T12:13:00.000-07:00

The challenge for today is to write about a time when you thought of ending your own life. This one is relatively easy--I haven't and can't honestly conceive of feeling that empty and desperate. I am a pretty anxious person...I am frequently anxious about all kinds of things happening/going wrong and have lots of irrational fears (of heights, of birds...). Probably why risk management is a good career for me. In order to stimie these anxieties, I often play "worst case scenario" in my head. I do this about losing jobs, not being able to pay our mortgage, etc., etc. And so, it confounds me that you hear frequently on the news of people not only committing suicide but also taking their loved ones with them as a result of this economy. I'm not passing judgment...just saying that basically, as long as Jared, me and kids were together...well, I feel like we would figure it out.

Blog Challenge Day 4: Views on Religion

2011-07-22T17:00:00.000-07:00

I have to be honest, this one isn't making me jump up and down. Mostly because I have strong beliefs on the subject but I also don't like to engage in debate on this topic either. Or marginalize anyone or make anyone feel bad. Can you see the CATHOLIC guilt creeping in? But, in the interest of this challenge, I will post my beliefs.

I am a proud Catholic and Christian. I love the Church, I love everything it represents in my life and the Church has been a source of comfort and stability to me during so many times in my life. I love Jesus and I am humbled and awed by the sacrifice He made for this world.

I hope that I am an example of faith for my children and through my example, they come to know Jesus, as well. But, I want it to be a choice they make for themselves.

Blog Challenge Day #3: Views on Drugs and Alcohol

2011-07-21T20:31:00.001-07:00

Drugs and alcohol...this one is pretty easy for me.

Drugs: Totally 100% against them. In all forms. I'm against the legalization of marijuana and every other drug. It terrifies me to think of losing my children to the grip of drug addictions. I don't have much more to say on the topic.

Alcohol: In moderation. I do enjoy a glass of wine here and there but I generally keep it to the weekends (harder to do when I am at my parents house and being served wine I generally wouldn't purchase for myself). Since having kids, I just haven't had the tolerance for it like I did before. By that I mean, I am nagged by the idea of even one drink impairing my ability to respond as quickly as I might need to in an emergency with my kids. I'm also completely terrified about drunk driving/drunk drivers. I do think alcohol is a slippery, slippery slope for some. That's scary.

Blog Challenge Day 2: Where I'd Like to be in Ten Years

2011-07-21T20:19:00.000-07:00

Wow--in ten years I will have a 13 year old and 11 year old! That is hard to imagine!

Career: I am currently a working mommy right now for a lot of reasons (personal satisfaction, finances, wonderful childcare) but one major reason is that I've always felt like I wanted to pay my dues now so I could hopefully pull back when my kids were hitting the middle school years. So, I really hope in 10 years that we are financially in a place where I can afford to work more part time (and by that I mean I want to be able to be home after school and, most ideally, at least a good chunk of the summer). I think the middle school years are so important and so formative and a time when children can really easily slip away from their parents...so I want to make sure I am wholly present for them during that time.

Family: I would really love if our family had grown by one and that we would have three kids. I'm not sure if this is in our future but there is a stubborn little voice in my head on this topic. We'll see...

There are some parts of ten years away that I feel like I can easily imagine but some parts that I can't...and one of those is with the kids. I have a hard time imagining what/where Charlie will be in ten years health-wise. I never knew anyone who couldn't eat or who had a feeding tube when I was growing up so I have a really hard time imagining Charlie as an adolescent still battling these problems and toting around his little backpack. The writing on the wall says that's exactly where we will be...but I can't imagine what it will look like. My greatest hope for him is that he is able to find his identity in all of this and that his medical conditions don't define him socially. I have the same worries for Jack but on a lesser scale.

30 Day Blog Challenge--Your Current Relationship

2011-07-19T20:09:00.000-07:00

Alright! I am starting the challenge today!

My current relationship is...married to my husband of 4 years, Jared. We met while working for the same company. We actually met at a technology conference we were both attending. Afterwards, Jared would make random stops at my cubicle. :-) I had a terrible commute to work and someone mentioned he lived in the same general vicinity and knew a better route to work that avoided much of the traffic. I asked him for directions, he suggested we carpool and thus started our friendship. We carpooled together for about 3 months, where we were madly flirting with each other. Finally, we both brought different dates to the company Christmas party but wound up attending an after-party together. We've been together ever since. Jared is the love of my life and I knew very quickly that he was the ONE. We have been through a whole lot in our four short years of marriage...a premature birth and prolonged hospital stay, three job changes on Jared's part, another baby, too many surgeries and medical procedures to count, two major moves (one out of state, one in state but different city)...we've had our ups and downs and it hasn't always been easy but Jared is the only person I would want by my side.

Commenting Challenge and 30-Day Challenge

2011-07-06T21:37:00.000-07:00

Alright, so we are two days into my 30-day challenge and I'm failing miserably. In my defense, I have been occupied with visiting sister and nieces, allergies, a quick surgical procedure for Charlie, the Fourth of July, and an upcoming 2 day trip to Wisconsin and then week long visit from sister-in-law and four nieces/nephews. And, throw a few days of work into that equation and I haven't had much time to breathe, let alone write. However, I do love the Blog Comment Challenge that Jenna from Jenna's Journey is hosting, so I am joining in and will resume (start) my 30-day Blog Challenge on the 18th.

We had a wonderful Fourth of July weekend chock-full of the sounds of cousins laughing, running, and playing; new and old friends and family mingling, and feeling the SUN for the first time in months. Oregon summers sure are glorious, when it finally makes its appearance.

I am off to bed as I have a 7:30 am flight to catch tomorrow morning. If you're new here, "we" are Kate (me), husband Jared and our two little boys, Jack and Charlie. More about our story here.

30 Day Blog Challenge

2011-07-03T22:00:00.000-07:00

Taking a cue from Monica at The Writer Chic, I am going to attempt a 30-day blog challenge, both in an effort to be more consistent with blogging and see if it is something I can actually stick with. Given my sporadic history...well, we will see. I think it will be a fun way to memorialize what my thoughts were on some topics at this point in my life.

I have a really busy week ahead so I am going to do my best to start on July 5th and go from there.

Here is the list of topics, which I reserve the right to change. :-)

Five Guys and Other Randoms

2011-06-23T16:38:00.000-07:00

So, shortly after I wrote the last post, our plans for Jared's graduation got derailed by a trip to the ER followed by a weekend stay in the hospital. Since then, we have a new plan for Charlie that we are hoping will work. Essentially, it has been determined that he has "gastroparesis" or, in layman's terms, his stomach is not moving things out the way it should, which is making him feel full, and causing him to not be able to tolerate the volume of food he needs to thrive (or survive). So, on Monday, we are getting what is called a g-j tube, which will be put in through his existing g-tube but feed him directly into his intestines and skip his stomach altogether. The g-j is a temporary solution as they come out of place frequently and so, if it works, we will get a permanent j-tube placed in about a month. The bummer is it looks like this is going to be a permanent struggle for him. I struggled with this a lot over the past two weeks (it wasn't really my plan for him to have one hole in his stomach, much less two and I certainly never thought it would be permanent) but I am choosing to focus less on that and more on the happy, sweet, funny little boy in front of me. He really is a trooper.

One of the things I miss A LOT about California is In N Out Burger (so much so that I think this isn't my first post on that topic). They apparently have no plans to open stores here in Oregon. Boo. Anyway, I love hamburgers. They are certainly one of my vices and not particularly helpful with weight loss or cholesterol but...so it goes. So, I recently tried Five Guys, for which there is a location close to my house. Five Guys is always busy and I've read they are similar to In N Out. By the way, according to new blog rules, I think I need to state that I am not being compensated by anyone for this review. Anyway, back to the burger. I can see why it has been compared to In n Out--you walk inside and it looks virtually identical! That all ended at the order counter. At Five Guys, you choose what toppings you want. There are no pre-determined packages. By that I mean, you add absolutely everything to the blank burger...nothing comes standard. I wasn't expecting this, so I was a little flustered when I got to the counter and didn't know what to do and there was an impatient line behind me. So, I ordered a cheeseburger with lettuce, tomato, mayo, ketchup. I'm sure I could have been more adventurous than this but like I said, I was a bit out of my element. I ordered fries, which, like In n Out, they make fresh there. They do not have milkshakes. The burger was good, but not like In N Out. Definitely better than a McDonalds burger or other major chain fast food burger, but not earth-shattering as well. As my friend Tara pointed out, it was kind of like a backyard grill burger. The fries were better tasting than In n Out, I think. But very greasy. All in all, it was as decent a substitution for In n Out as I am going to get here in Oregon but my heart is still in California when it comes to the In n Out burger.

Graduation!!!

2011-06-10T11:50:00.000-07:00

This will be a very quick post--as we are headed out the door. We are headed to Eugene to go to dinner with Jared's parents to celebrate Jared's graduation from DePaul University. This has been a crazy four year adventure--since starting his program, we got married, made two major moves, made three job changes, had two children and have spent countless hours, days, and weeks in hospitals with the kids. Yet through it all, Jared persevered in his studies and is graduating TOMORROW with his Bachelor's degree...and then on to grad school. I am so stinkin' proud of my husband!

"Am-a-namce"

2011-06-09T22:12:00.000-07:00

Jack's premature birth was my first big failing as a mother. Now, I know that it wasn't my fault, nor did I do anything to cause it other than being the unfortunate carrier of a defective uterus. However, regardless of fault, a mother is supposed to be able to care for their child. In the weeks that Jack spent in the NICU, I was acutely aware that he was being cared for in every way by people far more qualified than I. The one thing I could do, though, and do better than anyone else, was feed him. My milk was better than anything a nurse or doctor or formula company could provide for him. So, I pumped. I pumped every 3 hours around the clock. I had a little portable, cordless pump that was discreet enough that I could pump anywhere I went. I pumped until he was 14 months old. He grew on my milk and I took satisfaction in watching him grow from a tiny 4 pound baby into a toddler. I learned that feeding your child is one of the most intimate and meaningful acts of motherhood. It is one of the first things that shaped my relationship with Jack, that defined me and set me apart as his mother, uniquely qualified to do this very important thing. Feeding your child and choosing how and what and when to feed them is such a defining characteristic of motherhood. It is probably what ignites such passion in the breast vs. bottle debate.

With Charlie, it was all different. At first, I didn't even want to breastfeed because my experience of actual breastfeeding Jack was such a nightmare. I intended to pump for him but had very little interest in breastfeeding. At the urging of friends and sisters and nurses, I gave it a try when Charlie was born. And it was a totally different experience. He learned to breastfeed easily and it was a good match for both of us. For 6 weeks, he grew. Then, he started arching and crying and refusing to eat. His breathing got bad and his weight slowed. We found out he was aspirating as he drank so I reluctantly gave up breastfeeding and started pumping. We gave him bottles of breast milk thickened to the consistency of honey. But, he still didn't gain weight, his breathing was still bad. So, we had a surgery and they gave him a feeding tube and took away oral feeds altogether. I stubbornly continued to pump and give him breast milk through his tube. He screamed through his tube feedings. His weight continued to decline. He had blood in his stomach. We tested my breast milk thinking perhaps it was light on calories. It wasn't, it was very rich, in fact. So, we switched him to a special prescription formula and he gained weight for the first time in 3 months. I was relieved for him--I want him to grow but I am aware that it my milk was causing him major pain and difficulty. I struggled with that for a long time, even though I am so, so grateful for the technology that has made it possible for Charlie to eat.

Yesterday, Charlie took his first ambulance ride ("amanamce" in Jack lingo), the result of intermittent choking episodes at daycare. Upon arrival at the ER, he threw up some blood. His stools then tested positive for blood. That means he is bleeding somewhere in his GI tract.

That morning, before school, I decide to eschew medical advice and I had given him a teeny, tiny bit of strawberry (we are talking about the size of a newborn's pinky fingernail) because I just couldn't say "no" one more time to him and turn around and give his brother what he had politely asked for. Not thrown a fit over but politely asked for. That's what kills me. I just wanted him to have a taste. He choked, I turned him upside down, whacked his back, retrieved the offending bit of strawberry and all seemed okay again. Until his school called asking me to come quickly. I was certain I must have missed something and he had a piece of strawberry in his lungs. I cried the whole drive there, completely panicked over what I had done. Turns out it has nothing to do with the strawberry and instead he has a small tear in his esophagus, the result, I guess of not being able to tolerate his feeds, and so it is making him cough and retch. The blood from the tear then pooled in his esophagus, he would cough to clear it and then choke and gag on it. That's my non-medical understanding of the situation.

We had a follow-up visit with our GI doctor today. He needs some additional testing to figure out why he can't tolerate his feeds, which are currently at the most minimum level they can be at for his size. He is continuously being fed at a rate of just over an ounce an hour and he can't even tolerate that. I look at Charlie for who he is, not in terms of numbers on a chart but today, the doctor showed me his growth chart and pointed out that he has gained less than 4 lbs in a whole year. I already feel out of control with him. I don't get to choose what to feed him, when to feed him, how much to feed him and I still feel like I'm not doing a good job at that. My baby isn't growing and I don't know why. I am frustrated and I know I am in good company because so far, no one else can figure it out either, but it makes me feel like a failure as a mother. I should be able to feed my baby.

Charlie has been the biggest challenge of my life. I wouldn't trade the challenge for anything but I am constantly second guessing my decisions and choices when it comes to him and these situations like yesterday just make it that much harder. I guess this is what real parenthood is all about? Why isn't there a "What to Expect" book for this situation?

Now, to end on a lighter note (I'm actually not drowning in self-pity over here, by the way)...I want to remember this...this weekend, we were at Costco. Jack loves Costco hot dogs but always eats the hot dog and the bun separately. He had finished his hot dog and we were telling him it was time to go and he said he wanted to bring his bun. So, we said "Okay, grab your bun and come on." All of the sudden, Charlie grabs his bum. We weren't sure he did what we thought he did so we said it again, "Grab your bun," and again, he grabbed his bum. It was too cute. :-)

Charlie Update--18 mos!

2011-05-25T22:01:00.000-07:00

Charlie turned 18 months last week! We have had a momentous month.

First, earlier in the month, we stayed overnight in the hospital for a 24-hour EEG. While we were in the hospital, our SLP (speech language pathologist) visited us and suggested that we do a swallow study to see if Charlie's swallowing function had improved and could possibly begin to take something by mouth. Of course we said yes! I think I was more nervous walking down to that radiology lab than I have been before any of the surgeries. I didn't want to get my hopes up too much. Well...I should preface by saying that we have been working very hard at home on keeping Charlie's skills up. Even though he can't eat by mouth, we give him a spoon, cup, and bowl and teach him how to use them. His school does the same thing. We are very sensitive to the fact that a child who has been non-oral for most of their life has a high chance of developing oral aversions and that the road to eating successfully by mouth can be bumpy, even after they are safe to eat. So...we didn't really know what to expect. Well, our efforts paid off! We sat Charlie in that seat and he knew exactly what to do with the cup and spoon! The good news is that he passed his study on pudding thick consistency purees. He did not pass on any liquids or solids but we were so thrilled to have a starting point! It was a very emotional appointment, with even the radiologist in tears. Charlie was SO excited to eat. So, we went home with permission to start doing a little bit of pudding-thick purees (a couple of ounces a day). We were nervous because we had the added issue of not knowing what kinds of foods he would tolerate since he has been on an elemental diet since he had so many issues with breast milk and he has never had anything other than his formula and breast milk in his entire life. So, we started with peas. All went well for the first week. Charlie loved eating and he would sit at the little toddler table we have and use a spoon. By the end of that week, however, we noticed his breathing was getting froggy and he was starting to cough. By the end of the second week, he was refusing oral foods and his cough was worse. We had another visit with the SLP, his airway wasn't clear and so he was taken back off of anything by mouth. I am bummed about this but I don't want to take any chances with him. His cough and breathing cleared up as soon as he stopped eating orally again. I think he is just not ready. It seems like it always two steps forward, one step back. It's tiring.

On a "step forward" note, though, we had a full developmental assessment done last week. Charlie is at age level or above in EVERY.ASSESSED.AREA. I had suspected this...I feel like his school has done wonders for his development (we've been so lucky with very good providers his whole life) and he has just exploded developmentally lately. He was late to say his first words (16 mos) but once he took off, my goodness, he has just been a chatterbox! This is another area that can be affected by not eating, so we are so relieved! The speech therapist estimated that he is close to 50 words and says that he will soon put two word combinations together. And just following that appointment, I was putting him to bed and told him I loved him and he said "love you." I was a little blown away and, as if he knew I wasn't sure if I heard correctly, he then signed it, repeated it verbally and then giggled when I started loudly cheering for him. I love that little boy.

The area of development I think I am most astonished by is his walking. Because he is on continuous feeds, he carries around a 2.5 lb backpack. He has been hauling this thing since he started crawling (before that, we carried it for him). Well, he is all of 18 lbs and carrying this little backpack around constantly. And it hasn't slowed him down in the least. It just goes to show--where there is a will, there is a way. I am learning every day not to ever think my children can't do something...they remind me all the time of all the things they CAN do.

Just for stats, at 18 mos Charlie is:

18 lbs
29 inches
Wearing a size 3 diaper
Wearing 6-12 mo clothes
Has the tiniest little miniature feet ever
Is still not sleeping through the night, or on his own. :-)

Threads and Stitches

2011-05-25T21:53:00.000-07:00

Since getting my new sewing machine, I've moved on from only making Charlie's pajamas tube accessible and have been teaching myself to sew! I've been having so much fun! Although I don't have any little girls, I've found that sewing girl stuff is so much more fun than boy stuff. So, I've been making a lot of little dresses but have recently done a pair of pajama pants for Jack (and I hope to make him several pairs). My biggest passion though is in making tube-accessible clothing. So, I've been working on making little dresses that are tube-accessible. Here is a picture of one of my creations:

And another (this one has two access points--at the tummy under the skirt for easy access to a button and in the skirt to run extension tubing out without pulling up the skirt):

One of the by-products of sewing is this: I am an impatient person. I am generally a hurry-through-it, get-it-done kind of girl. This doesn't always serve me well. Sewing is not something you can hurry through and get good results. So, I am finding that sewing is teaching me a much needed lesson in slowing down, taking time to do things right, and enjoying the process as much as the result.

Spring!

2011-04-17T22:07:00.001-07:00

Spring has finally arrived! We may have a lot of rain ~~all of the time~~ in the winter but our summers are spectacular and, when it peeks through, so is Spring. We have three trees in our front yard that, in aggregate, form a large canopy of branches covering the better part of the yard. Since we moved in January, we had no idea what the tree would look like fully dressed. Imagine our surprise when we received this unexpected gift last week:

It turns out the gnarled branches are a cherry blossom tree! I was so excited! I know it is fleeting but I am soaking up every minute of waking up and seeing those beautiful flowers filling my window.

The boys took a later nap today so we took advantage of the late afternoon and played outside. They had such a good time playing in the grass. A hard part of Oregon with small kids is the lack of ability to spend a lot of time outdoors in the winter.

Charlie has had little to no experience in the grass and he just LOVED it.

Jack has been on strike from the camera lately. Today, he was so drunk with the experience of being outside that he let me take his picture. :-)

It was one of those perfect days. Even this evening, when we were making dinner and chaos reigned...Charlie was squealing, Jack was pestering...Jared was disciplining...I had this acute moment of feeling like this is it, this is what I've always wanted, this is exactlywhere I am meant to be.

Tubie Pajamas

2011-04-16T14:45:00.000-07:00

Here is what I've been up to today...

Making these...

Here is an "inside" view:

For most, this probably doesn't look all that exciting (and no, I didn't actually sew pajamas...those are courtesy of Carters). For me, this is VERY exciting. Since Charlie got his g-tube, he hasn't been able to wear zippered pj's or one-piece outfits because there is no spot to run his tubing out of. Not a big deal when you can buy snap-front pj's and just avoid one piece things. However, apparently, they don't make a whole lot of snap pj's in sizes larger than 6-9 mos and Charlie is approaching the point where he is outgrowing the 9 mo pj's. This has been vexing me...because of the tube and his age, two piece pajamas aren't ideal. Then I saw someone selling pj's with a plastic grommet (think the round holes in certain draperies) inserted creating a (large) hole to accomodate tubes. I thought that was a great idea except the hole was pretty big and it was inflexible plastic. My in-laws then suggested button holes and reminded me I had a sewing machine that did buttonholes. So, last night, I hauled out the machine. I should add here that I am a (less than) beginner sewer. After struggling to get the thing threaded, I followed every direction to make the buttonholes and...nothing. It just didn't work. I called my mother this morning who helped me troubleshoot as best she could from the phone and then suggested I take my machine into a sewing store. I did and promptly learned that despite my lack of skills, my machine was actually not working. I also learned it was a pretty bad machine and probably not worth the cost to fix it. Then, after explaining what I was trying to accomplish, the woman helping me told me she had a tube-fed granddaughter! So, we set about making buttonholes on all kinds of machines and quickly learned that most machines will not make holes big enough to thread the tubing with the clamp through without considerable struggle. Which landed me in front of a very nice, pretty expensive machine that could make buttonholes of pretty much any size. So...after negotiating the price and the store also taking my machine as a trade in (they wound up only offering me $50 less than the price I paid for it 4 years ago!), I took home the awesome new sewing machine that probably does way more than I will ever need it to. Oh--and I got an embroidery machine in the deal. So...I got home, set it up and in no time at all, had retrofitted all of Jack's old 12-mo pj's into tubie pj's!

I am thinking of selling them to other parents in our situation. I understand now why the grommet worked--because most machines won't make a buttonhole big enough to accomodate the tubing. But, I like how discreet and soft these are.

So, I am pretty excited now and also excited to try out my embroidery machine. Not sure how much monogramming I need but it should be fun!

Sweet Success

2011-04-14T14:59:00.000-07:00

We've had recently had some parenting success. Our sticker chart was working, for the most part...with the exception of the area we most hoped to see improvement in; that is, listening on the first try without a tantrum. Our original plan was that, after Jack earned 7 stickers (between any of the categories), he would get a small treat. After earning 14 stickers, he would earn a toy that we had purchased and set on top of the bookshelf so he could be reminded of what he was working toward. Well, after doling out many small treats and the big toy but still earning NO stickers in the listening on the first try category, we decided to revisit our approach. While bribery isn't my favorite parenting technique...well, at this point, we are just trying to make it through the day. And, have a polite child to boot. Day after day of poor reports from school, we decided to pull out the big guns and specifically target this one behavior. The "big guns" being chocolate. Yes, at three, Jack is a certified chocoholic.

So, armed with Easter candy, we told Jack he could earn a chocolate if he listened to his teachers without throwing a fuss or talking back. Every morning, we very specifically talk about how he can earn his chocolate. Well...we have now had 4 days in a row of positive reports from school. Even the director was surprised at how well he was responding to this. When he is starting to get a little out of control, she just reminds him gently that he has a chocolate to earn and he snaps right out of it. Hopefully, this method will also work when he is a teenager. Ha!

Where We've Been, Where We're Going

2011-04-12T20:46:00.000-07:00

I want to start my return to blogging by doing a fast-forward replay of the last year, so that future posts are in context.

Since birth, Jack has struggled with severe reflux and these nighttime breathing events, which were generally attributed to the reflux. After medical therapy did not seem to be decreasing the frequency of these events (in which he would often turn blue), we were referred to GI specialists. They did a lot of tests and determined that yes, indeed, Jack has severe reflux. They also discovered he had a hard time drinking liquids and would often aspirate them into his lungs. There was concern about him aspirating reflux, which would make him very sick. They also thought the breathing events may have been caused by that. So, they recommended a surgery called a Nissen Fundoplication, which would make it so food and liquids could go down but not come back up. They also put in a feeding tube at the same time, primarily due to the risk of some side effects from the Nissen. The Nissen is not a small or inconsequential surgery. It was hard watching my toddler go through a painful surgery with a pretty long recovery time. It was equally as difficult finding out that the procedure failed within a week of having it done. So, six weeks later, we returned for round 2. Unfortunately, Nissen #2 also failed, which was baffling to our surgeon.

At the same time, when Charlie hit between 2-3 months old, he started to refuse to eat and his breathing became labored and he always sounded like he was congested, although he did not have a cold. He was a miserable baby. He cried A LOT, he never slept, and feeding was a nightmare. It could take us 3 hours to get a couple of ounces in him. It was a slow, torturous process of starting the bottle, him screaming and arching and choking and gagging and all over again. He also started having these breathing events. So, we went through a lot of tests and learned that he had a lot of the same issues, but a little more severely. So, he had the Nissen surgery and also got a feeding tube around 6 mos old. We were very surprised when, during our hospital stay post-surgery, that they took him off oral feeds altogether. We weren't expecting that and it took me a long time to come to terms with it. I still struggle with it. Charlie has not eaten anything by mouth since he was 6 mos old. He takes his feeds through his tummy and he wears a little backpack that continuously drips formula through his tube. I know that he wants to eat. He is our little vacuum cleaner...always scanning the floor for crumbs. It sucks. I wish I had a nicer term for it but it sucks. I am grateful for the lifesaving technology that keeps him safe but my mommy heart just wants to feed him.

A month after he had his first Nissen surgery, he had another (unrelated) surgery. It was a long summer. He also had a swallow study, which is where they look to see whether a child is aspirating when he eats. There was hope that the Nissen surgery may have helped in this regard. Unfortunately, it showed that it was worse, not better. On the study, it looked like the muscles were weak and just not doing what they were supposed to. Because these issues are highly uncommon and because we know had two kids with them, we were referred to a neurologist and a neuro-development pediatrician. There they did a bunch of tests and finally gave us a name for what was causing all of these problems: Worster Drought Syndrome (WDS). Worster Drought is very rare. It is a type of cerebral palsy. That means that it isn't progressive (meaning it won't continue to get worse) but they will always have weakness in the muscles that control the mouth, the tongue, the jaw, and the throat. Additionally, there are usually some mild gross motor delays associated with the condition, which we've seen in both of our kids (but mild!). The primary issues associated with WDS are speech difficulties, feeding difficulties, and reflux. In our kids, the feeding issues seem to be worse than the speech, although we have worked really hard on Jack's speech. It is the WDS that likely caused the two surgeries to fail for Jack.

In between all of this, we had a couple more surgeries, the bank Jared worked for failed, giving us a period of lots of uncertainty, we moved cities and Jared changed jobs...

When we got our diagnosis, I was pretty devastated. I could only think about the worst case scenarios and what their futures would look like. These things that we thought were temporary problems that could be fixed with a surgery were now permanent problems that could have wider consequences. However, I was blessed with a relatively sunny outlook and could only wallow in self pity for so long. :-) I realized my boys are EXACTLY how God designed them to be. I don't need to fix them. They are perfect how they are and while I, as any parent does, want to make their course easier, I'm also grateful for the opportunity we've been given to become stronger through these experiences. My boys are troopers, let me tell you. They take their challenges in stride and keep trucking along. They have not let these things slow them down (literally!) and they are a constant reminder to me of what what my outlook should be.

I realize this post is mostly filled with medical information and while our last year was filled with a lot of it, we did a lot of good living in there, as well.

So, that's where I've been the past 10 months since my last posts. In terms of where we're going...who knows? I've stopped guessing. This has been a great lesson in humility and learning Who is really in control. ;-)

I'm back...

2011-04-12T20:40:00.000-07:00

Wow--it's been a long, long time. I haven't blogged in a long time because, quite honestly, I haven't known what to say. Our lives are so much more complicated, and so much richer, than I ever imagined when we first decided to start a family. I've been reluctant to share a lot of our past year because I don't want to give the impression that our life is only about health complications. But...this is our life and one thing I've learned from the past year is that other people's stories and experiences on similar paths have made mine so much easier. So, I'm going to try to get back in the swing of this.

I'm hoping to use this to chronicle my life as mother and wife, especially the peaks and valleys of our medical misadventures (as I like to put it!). I'm hoping that our stories can offer some hope to anyone in a similar circumstance who find their way here.

Right now, my biggest adventure is in parenting (ahem, disciplining) my three year old. Two went out like a lamb and three came in like a lion. My goodness, I feel like I have a whole new child. Jack has been really testing my patience lately and I have not felt like I have had some of my best parenting moments lately. We are currently trying a behavior sticker chart and trying to focus on rewarding positive behaviors. Our house was getting ugly with so many time outs. So, day three into the sticker chart and here is what it looks like. Yes, as you can seem, Monday was a rough day. Today was great--until bedtime. Any advice for surviving three?

8 Months Old!!!

2010-07-29T12:07:00.000-07:00

Charlie,

You are now 8 months old! It seems like yesterday that we checked into the hospital full of excitement that our family would grow. And, just like that, you turned our world upside down in so many wonderful ways. You made Jack and brother and stole my heart. I got to know the joy of bringing a baby home right away, the closeness that comes with successfully nursing, and the absolute wonder of watching a sibling relationship unfold. I never thought I could love TWO little boys so fiercely. I didn't realize how much time had already passed until I recently watched some little videos of you as an uncoordinated newborn!

So what are you up to these days?

You weigh 15 lbs, 4 ounces and are 26 3/4 inches long. You wear 3-6 month clothes and a size 3 diaper.

You have been sitting up unassisted for about 2 months now and army crawling for a month. On Monday, July 26, you started "real" crawling. You are still working on it but you are doing it! You can also go from a crawling or prone position to sitting up. This morning, Daddy found you sitting up in your crib!

No teeth yet but it sure seems like you are working on them! You like to chew on anything you can get your hands on.

You have busy little hands. When you don't have anything to hold onto but want something, you excitedly twirl your hands like little propellers. You have a vise-like grip and are FAST when you want something (like my glasses). You make cute little excited noises when you see something you want and waste no time scooting over to get it. You are starting to pull yourself up on things.

You have a temper! You get very angry when you are put down when you want to be held and when we take things away from you. You can scream pretty loud! You also put your arms straight out, lock your elbows, make tight little fists and get red in the face and scream. You are pretty funny to watch.

You are sleeping so well these days! You take 2 naps a day, a short one in the morning and a long one in the afternoon. You go to bed around 7 pm and generally sleep until 7 am the next morning. You may wake up once or twice but are easily soothed back to sleep. This is a big relief for your mommy and daddy! You are sleeping in Jack's big-boy room because he isn't ready to give up his crib yet. :-)

You love to be held. You are my little snuggle-bug and until just a month ago, you slept a lot of the night in my arms. I miss this but I also like getting my sleep--and I think you do, too.

You are a pro at traveling. You've been on at least one plane trip a month since you were 3 weeks old and you are always such a good boy. You often get to travel first class because we fly so often--it's a treat for both of us and you always behave like a gentlemen.

I love you, little Bear!

Don't worry--we don't often dress you in flowers but I love this picture. ;-)

Surgery Recap--Take One...

2010-06-02T20:34:00.001-07:00

I am happy to report that after two months of surgeries for Jack, it seems we are finally on the other side of it all. It was a bit of a roller coaster but Jack's determination through it all amazed me! This will be a long post but I want to remember this experience for Jack.

My mother came up from San Diego on Sunday and we all drove to a hotel in Portland for the night before the surgery. We checked into Doernbecher Children's Hospital on March 29th for Jack's Nissen Fundoplication and gastrostomy ("g-tube") surgeries. The Nissen was meant to stop his reflux and therefore help protect his airway. They put in a g-tube not so much for feeding but so that we can "vent" his stomach and release gas and air.

The first challenge we had to overcome was our late surgery time. We checked in at 10:30 am for a 12:30 surgery time. He wasn't allowed to eat after 4:30 am and no liquids after 7 am. Anyone with a 2 year-old will know this is somewhat of an impossible mission. Jack generally wakes up at 7 am and his first word is "downstairs," meaning "get me downstairs and feed me!" So, we woke him up at 4, had him eat some breakfast and then put him back to bed in hopes he wouldn't be so hungry in the morning. He surprised us by doing really, really well that morning. My mom and I took him on a long walk in the rain through streets of Portland (and got to see some really cool old houses in the process!) to distract him prior to leaving.

Our first humor that day was seeing a picture from Jack's previous surgery prominently displayed on a bulletin board in the nurse's station with the warning "Crayons in Stomach on Endoscopy." At his first little surgery, they took pictures of his esophagus and stomach and found a bunch of crayon bits--that he had managed to sneak in pre-surgery. Ha! The surgeons were less amused that day.

Here is a picture of Jack in the pre-op area, playing "glove boy" a silly game we made up to pass the time on one of our visits while we waited in an exam room.

After we tried to force the sedative down his throat (he was NOT thrilled about this), it was time to send him back. Fortunately,our anesthesiologist was this very, very sweet man who took to Jack immediately. He also had a 2 year-old son at home. They let us carry him back to the OR but we had to hand him over at the doors. I did not expect it to be so hard to hand him over. I was so scared...scared about not knowing what was going to come next about knowing that he wasn't going to be the "same" after he came back out of the OR. Instead of handing him to a nurse, the anesthesiologist took him and assured us he would take good care of him. After they left, Jared and I shared some teary eyes as we headed back to the waiting area. It was doubly hard to see my husband so emotional about it.

The surgery took about 3 hours and our surgeon came out as soon as it was over and told us Jack did really, really well and that the surgery was successful (famous last words!). About 15 minutes later, we were able to go back and see him. He was in a lot of pain but I was able to hold him immediately. Apparently, when he woke up, he immediately got to work trying to pull his g-tube out (fortunately, he was not successful). Here he is just post-surgery in my arms:

The next two days were rough. On Monday, I was thinking it was going to be a LONG recovery. Jack was in a lot of pain and learned a couple new words: "hurt" and "ow." I think the most difficult part was that he couldn't tell us where it hurt and didn't completely understand when we would ask him. So, we had to guess and try to stay ahead of the pain. He was on morphine for the first two days and then weaned off onto oxycodone. Hard to have your baby on such big medications. He was very clingy to me and didn't want anyone else with him. At one point, I wound up stuffing myself into the pediatric crib just to cuddle him. (We did NOT take any pictures of that!) My normally very, very active little boy was a complete noodle--did not want to get out of bed or do anything.

On Tuesday morning, we forced him to have sponge bath, get dressed and try to walk. I kept reminding myself of when I was a little girl and sick and how my mother would make me take a bath or shower...and how much better I would feel when I did. Well...she clearly was on the right path because I was amazed at how quickly Jack rallied after we made him get up. Soon, he was toting his IV pole like a pro to the playroom. By Wednesday morning, it was clear that we needed to get out of there. Jack was going stir-crazy, as were we. So, we discharged and came home Wednesday afternoon.

Going home!!!

I think the next most difficult challenge was the "post-Nissen" diet, which is essentially a pureed diet, which you are supposed to be on for 4 weeks. Not to mention that for the rest of his life, he is supposed to avoid a lot of basic foods (fluffy breads, chunks of meat, chunks of firm vegetables, and carbonated beverages of any kind). Changing a toddler diet and essentially eliminating all foods he loved was rough.

We took it easy on Thursday but by Friday, we needed to get Jack out for an activity, so we headed to his little school so he could participate in the Easter party. He had fun hunting for eggs and seeing his friends (who were very impressed with his second "belly button" and the number of band-aids he got to use).

The following Monday, it was clear to me that he would benefit most from resuming his old schedule so one week post-surgery, he was back at school! Laparoscopic surgery is definitely the way to go if it is an option. Had we gone with an open surgery, as was originally recommended to us, we would have still been in the hospital that Friday and he wouldn't have returned to school for three weeks!

That's the positive part of this story. The not-so-positive part was that when we were still in the hospital, I thought I had heard him burp. He shouldn't have been able to burp or vomit after this surgery (which is why we have the g-tube). I tried to tell myself I was imagining it but by Thursday, I was sure enough that I called the nurse. She thought maybe I was hearing something different. But, by Monday, one week after surgery, he vomited. The nurse seemed pretty skeptical when I reported this but I knew in my heart something wasn't right. I knew that when we were still in the hospital. So, two weeks later, we were back up at Doernbecher's for a study to see if he was still refluxing when they put barium in his stomach. Sadly, he was "freely" refluxing as if he had never had the surgery at all. So, we were schedule for a re-do surgery exactly a month after the first one.

I am so thankful that my mother was able to come up and be with us. She took care of Charlie, cooked dinner for us after we got home, spoiled us with grocery shopping, and convinced my husband to smuggle some wine into the hospital so we could share a glass that first exhausting night. She took very good care of me and Jared.

I am equally grateful for my father--having a doctor in the family is a blessing for so many reasons but he has really helped us negotiate this difficult and confusing path of doctors, insurance, bills, etc. He did a ton of research to help us make the right decisions on evidence-based science, encouraged us to switch surgeons so we could get a laparoscopic surgery, reassured us we were doing the best thing and, on top of all that, was still "Bampa" and "Daddy" when we needed him to be. I am so blessed to have these two amazing people to call parents.

Jared's parents were equally as important. They suffered through Jack crying for three hours straight after he came home just to give me a break. They learned how to use his g-tube and were a constant source of encouragement. I'm lucky to have them nearby when my own parents can't be.

An Apple for Mother's Day

2010-06-01T21:46:00.001-07:00

For Mother's Day, my sweet husband surprised me with a new MacBook Pro. For anyone who knows my husband, you know what a huge act of selflessness it was to humble himself enough to buy an Apple product--he is a PC man 100%.

I have been wanting a Mac computer for a while now and when my hand-me-down laptop that hit the end of its useful life, I started a campaign for a Mac. I honestly didn't think it would be successful so I was completely shocked when I came downstairs one evening to find a sleek, shiny computer with a red bow on top.

Since then, I've been having fun getting to know the computer. I haven't operated on a Mac since middle school, so it has been a learning curve but I right now, I am completely immersed in iPhoto and have managed to sort through and edit about half our gazillion pictures (one reason I never post on here, we are horrible about getting pictures off the camera and uploaded).

Mother's Day was otherwise quiet (well, as quiet as any day with two small children can be!). My mother had just left after visiting for Jack's second surgery and my in-laws were visiting my brother- and sister-in-law in Virginia. But, our little family was all I needed.

I feel very lucky to be mommy to Jack and Charlie. They truly light up my life in so many ways. Mother's Day is a gift to me every year; all I ever wanted was to be a mommy. I'm so glad Jack and Charlie made me one.

Refining

2010-03-23T19:56:00.000-07:00

It's almost April and I'm wondering where the time has gone. A quarter of this year is nearly gone! Two small children keep a girl occupied, I guess!

I'm feeling very tired right now. I've been doing a lot of traveling these past three months. I've already been back to San Diego 4 times since January and I've lost count of the number of trips to Portland we've been making. That's been averaging at least once a week. Portland is an awesome city and I wish we were going up there for sightseeing. Unfortunately, most of our time has been spent at Children's Hospital. Next week Jack is going to have a fairly invasive surgery to (hopefully) prevent him from having the degree of reflux he does and the laryngospasms. At the same time, they will put a feeding tube in his stomach, with a "button" on the outside of his tummy. The feeding tube will be primarily so that we can "vent" his stomach or empty it if he is nauseous.

At the same time, Charlie has been showing many of the same symptoms and so he's been undergoing a few tests, as well. What we know from the initial tests is that he, too, is aspirating when he nurses or drinks from a bottle so I had to give up breastfeeding and go to exclusively pumping so we can thicken the milk to prevent it from going into his lungs. Funny--I was so reluctant about breastfeeding after my experience with Jack, I was thoroughly planning to pump like I did for Jack. I never dreamed how much I would wind up enjoying the experience of nursing. I have been so sad about giving it up but after seeing how much less pain Charlie is in when drinking thickened milk, I can see it's the right way to go. He has a couple more tests in April and then we'll go from there as to whether he will also need this surgery.

This has been a hard decision to come to. Every doctor he has seen, including some second opinions, are all in agreement that he needs this surgery. I'm still struggling with reconciling what appears to by my perfect healthy baby with what all these tests tell us is really going on inside of him. I'm so scared that we are making a decision that is going to make things worse than better. This is what I think is one of the hardest things about being a parent: being the judge and jury for your child's health. I feel very unqualified sometimes (well, most of the time!) to do this. So, nearly two years to the day Jack finally got released from the NICU, we are heading back to the hospital. I'm trusting God that this is the right path, the right decision, and that this experience is refining our faith.

On another note, I've written before about our struggle to find a church up here. We have been looking for the right church with the right community so we can meet some people up here, ideally some other young families. We did find a Catholic church that we like and have gone a several times, with the challenge that Jack lasts about 10 minutes in the nursery before we are called to come get him. He's not so good about sitting through Mass with us, though, so church has been a bit of a challenge. (How do you other mommies deal with 2 year olds and church????) So, although St. Mary's has been good, we still haven't found that community we were looking for. We made the decision to widen our horizons a bit so last week we went to a community church in our area. Wow--it was an amazing experience. This was the most family-centered, welcoming church I've ever been to. Jack still didn't last long in the nursery (I think we are going to have to keep working on this) but after the service, we were feeding Charlie in the common area outside of the santuary and at least 11 different people introduced themselves to us, realizing we were "newbies." We were invited out to lunch, to join a small group, and to join a mom's group. Everyone was so incredibly sincere and friendly that we immediately felt right at home. The service was different for us--defintitely more "casual" than a Catholic service but the sermon was good and the music was amazing. The community was just what we have been searching for. So, I think we are going to split our time. My Catholic faith is still very important to me, as is raising my kids in the Faith, so we plan to do Saturday night Masses and Sunday mornings at this new church. I'm excited to see where this brings us.

That's about it, please keep Jack in your prayers next week (and this nervous mama too!).

Cousin Love

2010-03-04T20:45:00.000-08:00

Although I have a lot of siblings, we did not grow up with a lot of cousins and none that lived close or that we regularly got together with. It is such a special thing, then, to see our children having the benefit of cousins! Of the eigh grandchildren my parents have, 6 live within two blocks of eachother. Jack and Charlie are the only two that don't live close. But, whenever we are in town, they love my boys like they were around the corner every day.

Little C, in particular, had a special love for Jack when he was a baby and shows the same sweet affection for Charlie. She is a great cousin and it is so cute to see her dote on him!

Here is Little C with Jack as a baby:

And now with Charlie:

Baptism

2010-03-04T20:07:00.000-08:00

Oh, Blog, how I've neglected you. It's crazy that four months has passed. Baby Charlie did make his appearance one day shy of 40 weeks on November 20, 2009. This birth experience was a breeze compared to Jack's birth...and I got to take a baby right home with me! What a difference!

So, in the four months since then, we've been incredibly busy. The week he was born, Jared's brother and family came for Thanksgiving, which we had at our house. Fortunately, we had lots of hands to help host since Charlie was less than a week old. The next week, one of my best friends, Michelle, came up for a visit. It was her first visit since we moved up here and she and I got to share some sweet girl time together. She and I have a long history together, including having lived and worked together, but we really made some very wonderful memories during this trip. I am so grateful she was able to come. My mother and father followed suit the next week and we were spoiled with my mother's cooking, lots of Christmas shopping and a really yummy dinner out with them while Jared's parents babysat. We then took a very short breather and flew to San Diego for Charlie's first Christmas! I can't believe we were able to take him on a trip when he was less than a month old! Jack wasn't even out of the hospital by then! Since Christmas, Charlie has been on 3 more trips to San Diego and too many car trips to Portland to count at this point. He's becoming a very seasoned traveler!

Charlie's Baptism

We decided to do Charlie's baptism in San Diego at the church we were married in and Jack was baptised in. We have been going to this church for a long, long time and leaving our church and finding a new "home" has been one of the hardest parts about moving. The priest, Father Matt, is very special to us. He married us, was one of the first people to visit Jack in the hospital to pray over him, he baptised Jack and we decided to give Charlie his name as a middle name. Fortunately, he was able to baptize Charlie as well. Here are some pictures of Charlie's big day!

This is my best childhood friend, Brigid, me, and Charlie. Brigid has become an amazing seamstress recently and given the amount of time we spent baptizing our dolls and pets as children, it was only fitting that she made Charlie's gown. It is so beautiful and she put so much care into the detail (right down to crosses in the lace edging!):

Our best friends, Jenn and Robby, came in from Texas for the baptism. Jennifer has been my best friend for years and I miss her so much! It meant so much to me that they came out for the big day and were Charlie's Godparents. Sadly, they weren't able to bring their two little girls with them (one of them my namesake and Goddaughter!) but I did get to meet her little baby bump, Addison (scheduled to make her arrival on or about June 7th!).

After the baptism, we celebrated the newest Christian with a brunch hosted by my parents. The weather was beautiful and so many people came to celebrate.

Daphne, with her husband Nick, was one of the leaders of our Engaged Encounter weekend. She and Nick were such an inspiration to us that weekend. I'm so glad we've kept in touch.

Finally, Jack was such a good boy and good big brother during the baptism. It's hard to believe it was only a year and a half since we were celebrating his baptism!

I am so grateful for the gift of my two little boys!

38 Weeks and Counting

2009-11-08T19:25:00.000-08:00

We are not just at term but we are now solidly in the 3 weeks that are considered term. And...no indication this baby is coming any time soon. Despite efforts, this baby seems to be in this pregnancy for the long haul. At my massage on Friday (don't get too jealous, these massages are for my neck and they are pretty much torture, despite sounding like a relaxing event), I encouraged the massage therapist to use any possible acupressure points to stimulate labor. Still pregnant. This morning, I ate pineapple (exactly how this was supposed to help, I'm not sure). Still pregnant. I had a foot massage during my pedicure this afternoon. Still pregnant. I even took a trip to labor and delivery this weekend because I had the third migraine of this pregnancy that results in a loss of eyesight. I was secretly hoping that the doctors would decide to just keep me but no luck. Still pregnant and not in labor and delivery.

Despite how I may sound, I really, truly am so grateful that we will be bringing home a full-term baby at some point in the next few weeks (with no NICU stay, God willing). This possibility was pretty much not considered a possibility by anyone, so we have God to owe for this little miracle. I am so excited to meet this baby and I am truly in awe of the grace that God has put into our lives.

Jack Update

2009-10-29T16:10:00.000-07:00

My blog-friend, Emily, is very good about writing posts chronicling things her kids are doing. I'm going to steal her idea because I've been saving up a bunch of things Jack has recently been up to and meaning to record them.

Jack is now 20 months old! I'm not sure how much he weighs right now (somewhere around 24-25 lbs) but he is definitely more and more a toddler and less and less a baby. That makes me sad but we've also been having so much fun with his emerging personality.

--Jack LOVES Elmo. I may have mentioned in previous posts that he will not pay attention to any TV shows but recently, he's become a big fan of Elmo. He points to the TV and says his version of "Elmo." Originally, we were just DVR-ing Sesame Street episodes but he wants us to fast forward through any part not exclusively starring Elmo so we recently went and bought some Elmo's World videos.

--For Halloween, Jack is going to be Elmo. This was not by plan...his parents were a little slow in planning and acquiring a costume this year and went out at the last minute last weekend and basically wound up with Elmo. At least it's appropriate for his current tastes! Pictures to come!

--Talking! He is saying more and more words. He likes to say "night night" and the other day, was trying to give Bailey (the dog) a big hug when she was lying on the ottoman. She wasn't having any of it and moved to another couch. He followed her and laid his head on her and said "night night." One of my other favorites is when he will imitate and say "green beans."

--Lately, Jack has been very into cuddling with his mommy. This is a relatively new development from a kid who has always wanted to go right into his bed at bedtime. I've been enjoying some cuddly moments in the rocker before bed with him.

--He's learning animal sounds. Basically, he only does a dinosaur growl but it is so cute. He puts his hands up near his face like little claws and growls. He will also point to the farm where there are cows on our way to daycare every day and say "moo." However, he says this whether there are cows out there or not so I'm not sure whether he thinks the field says moo or the cow. :-)

--He likes to point to wedding pictures of me and Jared and point out "Mama and Daddy." He also points to pictures of himself and says "baby."

--The other day, Jared stayed home from work so our morning routine was a little different. When I loaded him up for daycare, he started crying and saying "MamaDada" and it was the first time I heard him voice a preference for staying home with us. I think he thought it was a weekend. It warmed my heart that he wanted to be with us but also shot pangs of guilt through me that I wasn't staying home with him!

--If I ask him where the baby is, he will pat my tummy.

--He is OBSESSED with the computer. He knows how to turn on Jared's computer monitor so there is no tricking him into thinking the computer is "off" anymore. He has also learned how to climb onto the barstools in the kitchen, which gives me and Jared a great deal of heartburn. He does, however, look pretty cute sitting at the counter like a big boy.

--We've been working on time-outs lately. Unfortunately, we've spent a good amount of time in time-out during this process. Sometimes he will deliberately do something he knows will land him there and will happily trot off to time out, almost like he wanted to go. Other times, he is less than thrilled to sit there. But, he seems to understand it is a punishment.

I love this little boy and I'm getting to the place in my pregnancy where I am so excited to meet my new little baby but also struggling with being sad about Jack growing up and how I will handle two kids. I can't imagine I could possibly love someone as much as I love Jack!

Contentment

2009-10-24T18:12:00.000-07:00

36 weeks pregnant! I NEVER thought we'd make it this far in a pregnancy, so I am absolutely thrilled. It's looking more and more likely that we will have a full-term baby and, even if Baby Charlie was born tomorrow, we would likely get to bring him right home. Now, instead of worrying about a protracted hosptial stay, I'm getting more worried about what it will be like to be vaulted into instant baby-dom. When you have a baby in the hospital, one of the silver linings is that you do get a little time to catch up on your sleep before they send you home with a baby. :-)

I've been DVR-ing old ER episodes. I was actually never a big ER watcher; I liked the show but never watched it consistently enough to keep up on the story lines. A couple months back, I found that a channel was starting the series from the first episode, so I've been recording them. I was watching the episode in which Dr. Greene dies the other night. It starts with him writing a list of all the things he wanted to do in his lifetime and ends with his last days in Hawaii with his wife and two daughters. It got me thinking about what things would go on that list for me. I realized pretty quickly that the things that I have always truly dreamed of doing--I've already achieved. Now, that doesn't mean there aren't things that I would like to do if given the chance but I'm pretty fulfilled. In a nutshell, my whole life, I wanted to be a wife and mother. My marriage and my son pretty much fill me up. Of course, I dream of all the things I would like to see my children do and think of how Jared and I will be when we are grandparents, etc. but the fact that I am a wife and a mother--well, it's enough for me.

As I type this, I'm watching my husband bathe my little boy. And, I'm happy to say, it's all I need.

Catching my Breath...

2009-09-08T09:51:00.000-07:00

I wonder if I will ever become a regular blogger. I frequently have lofty plans for blogging but execution eludes me...

Anyway, I returned last week from a month-long visit to Southern California for work. This was the longest trip I've had to do since I started telecommuting but it went well. Not so much fun being away from my husband (and Jack, for part of the time) and I got a taste of what shared custody must feel like for divorced parents. For the first two weeks of the month, Jack stayed home with Jared (thought I did make a weekend appearance between the weeks) and then Jared flew him down and he stayed the last two weeks with me in San Diego. We are blessed with a remarkably adaptable little boy who pretty seamlessly integrated between the two places--no major adjustments to two different childcare situations, houses, etc.

Well, I for one am thrilled that Fall is on its way in. Autumn is my absolute favorite time of year. I love the changing leaves, the cool air, pumpkin patches, Thanksgiving... I bought a fall wreath for my door and have been eagerly waiting for Labor Day to pass so I could start putting out my fall decorations.

However, with Fall approaching, so are a lot of changes for us. Pregnancy-wise, things are plugging along. I can't believe we are only 4 weeks away from the time that Jack was born--and only 3 weeks away from the time my water broke. I feel like we've done pretty much no preparations for this baby--a very different feeling from when Jack was born. Jared and I are taking a little trip this weekend to do some baby shopping. I'm trying not to focus too much on whether this baby will come early or not; I'm prepared for it to happen but I'm also concerned that if he doesn't come early, the last 6 weeks will be torture if I'm expecting it too much. I'm learning that pregnancy is not so easy on my joints. With Jack, I had just horrible back/hip/joint pain. This time, I've been plagued for the past 4 weeks by a bulging disc in my neck, which is causing severe pain in my left shoulder and into my arm. My father assures me that this will go away when the baby is born...that is making the next 10 weeks seem VERY, VERY long and daunting.

I am taking my last trip to Southern California before the baby is born for a few days next week. Then, my mother and I are driving to Washington to see my grandmother who, sadly, suffered a stroke a few months ago. I am eager to see her and I am sad that this may be one of the last times. After that--it's just a waiting game for the baby to be born!

Okay, onto the fun stuff...

Flip! For my birthday, I received a Flip HD video camera. I, despite being married to a man who makes his career in technology, would not call myself particularly technologically advanced. I claim ignorance in how to use our "real" video camera--plus it never seems to be charged and I have no idea how to upload or edit the raw footage. The Flip is cell-phone sized, has great video quality, is easy to use and automatically uploads your content when plugged into a USB port in the computer. Last weekend, I played around with the camera and software and created this little movie. (Please forgive the cutting off of heads, I'm still getting used to where the aim the camera.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brAM-V2qzk4

Baby Charlie! For those who don't know, we have decided on a name for this little one. His full name (and we're sticking to the two middle name concept) will be Charles Matthew Robert. We will call him Charlie. Although we are lucky to get lots and lots of ultrasounds, including lots of 3D ultrasounds (well, depending on how you look at it--we have to have a lot of problems to get all these scans!), I took my nieces and nephews to a 3D ultrasound place to show them the baby. Here are a few pictures of our little guy.

Little Monkey...

2009-08-28T07:30:00.000-07:00

...this is what my parents found this morning after leaving the laundry room door open for a few minutes...

Too funny! Reminds me why we have these on our washer and dryer at home:

Like Father, Like Son

2009-08-09T11:00:00.001-07:00

Wow--two posts in two days! A record for me! I don't want to forget this, though...

Now that Jack is getting older, we are seeing more and more of his personality shining through. Mostly, I see Jared. If you know my husband, you know how fastidious he is about nearly everything. He is clean, orderly, irons (yes, even Jack's clothing), and likes things in their place all of the time. It seems that we have bred a child with the same tendencies.

Jack is a cautious, watchful kid. He observes things before jumping in there and we see this in the ways he imitates us. He, is however, also a stickler for things being done properly and in the "right" order. For example, when I pick him up from daycare, if I stop and chat for a minute, he gets incredibly anxious until we open the door and he can see the car waiting. He knows I come, we get in the car and we go. Interrupt that flow and he doesn't like it so much.

Lately, he has been fetching his diapers and immediately following a diaper change, he will promptly bring his diaper to the trashcan, dispose of it, make sure the lid to the can is closed and then come back for his box of wipes, bring it to the bathroom, and gesture for help to put it back into the cabinet where we keep them (it's a high cabinet).

At mealtimes, after we put him in his highchair, he immediately, reaches for his bib and gives it to us to put on him. When he is done, he makes the sign for "all done" and we wipe him down. He takes off his bib and takes the paper towel and cleans his tray and wipes his mouth. It's pretty funny and he does it like clockwork.

He's very good about cleaning up his toys (not to say he doesn't make messes!) but he is pretty good about knowing where things go and putting them there.

His latest involves the potty. Lately, he has been gesturing to sit on the potty. He is nowhere near being ready for potty training (given the fact he can't say any words!) but we indulge it since I figure if he is showing interest, I should try to acclimate him. So, I put him on the potty where he sits for a moment, reaches for a square of toilet paper, does some approximation of wiping, puts it in the toilet, flushes, puts the toilet seat down (I may be one of the few women with a husband who is very good abou this!), and then gestures for me to hold him up to the sink so he can wash his hands. Mind you, this is all from watching. We haven't made any effort to teach him any of this!

He just cracks me up! I never realized how much some of these traits are just a part of who someone is! Of course, I will take a neat and tidy child any day but it does make me wonder what we are in for with #2...

Home Again...

2009-08-08T18:39:00.000-07:00

...at least for a short stay. I'm in San Diego for the month of August, Jared is manning the house (including Jack) by himself for the first two weeks and Jack will join me for the second two weeks. First week down and all went well. Back for a quick weekend visit; got in last night late and will leave again tomorrow late afternoon.

Some updates from around here:

Jack started speech therapy and we are very happy with the clinic we chose to go with at the University of Oregon. They are employing a method called the Pre-linguistic Milieu Teaching approach, which apparently uses signs to build the foundation for language development. Jack is catching on to the signs pretty quickly. He reliably uses "all done," "more," and "drink" after two weeks. We have ten target signs to work on during this little August break and he will start up again next month.

Jack has also decided to start biting this past week. We are hoping this is a short phase but I was horrified when he bit two different children two days in a row last week. One silver lining: the first girl he bit (and the most dramatic of the two bites) was apparently a terrible biter herself around this age so at least the parents were sympathetic.

Work is going well for both Jared and I. At a mid-year work event recently, Jared was given the "Immediate Impact" award for contributions he's made since starting. Work for me has been busy but all in a good way.

The pregnancy is going well so far. Most of the same complications as with Jack but this time around, they don't seem as dramatic as they did then. Maybe because we know what to expect and it's not new news? We did settle on a name for this little one: Charles Matthew Robert (we're sticking with the two middle name thing we did with Jack). We'll call him Charlie. He is a VERY active baby! Much, much more so than Jack was. It's hard to believe we are already 25 weeks through this pregnancy! When I get back at the end of August, we plan to attack all things baby to get ready.

We planted a little vegetable garden this year...first year Jared and I have ever done any gardening (I will admit to some help from our gardener!). We are growing zucchini, yellow squash, cucumber, winter squash, tomatoes (three varieties), strawberries, bell peppers and a lemon cucumber. So far, the plants have all been doing well. The strawberries have been yielding fruit, as has the cherry tomato plant, but unfortunately, the dogs have eaten all of the ripe tomatoes and strawberries. This has not made me a happy dog owner. We do, however, have two cucumbers that suddenly appeared out of nowhere, one lemon cucumber growing and we picked our first zucchini today!

HOT!!!

2009-07-27T17:44:00.000-07:00

Here is the forecast for the next 5 days...

99° F | 61° F
101° F | 61° F
103° F | 58° F
94° F | 56° F
85° F | 54° F

Seriously??? I thought moving to the rainy Northwest meant leaving some of that heat behind! I'll be in California for the month of August, so I guess I'm trading same for same. At least it's not humid here, I'll take some comfort in that.

Not much going on around here. Warning ahead: a small pity party.

I've been struggling with our move a little more lately. Especially as this baby's birth approaches. I can't believe we're already half way (well, more than halfway there). We still don't have a church. We left behind the church I've been going to since I was 18 years old, where I taught religious education, the church and priest that have seen me through all of the most significant events of my life: meeting Jared, marriage preparation, my wedding, the birth of my son, his baptism. We had a community there; people knew us when we showed up every Sunday, missed us if we didn't come. We haven't found anything even approximating that here. Our first problem has been finding a church that has a nursery. Seriously--most of the churches here don't seem to have nurseries, which I totally do not understand. Do people with small children just not go to church here????

More than the church issue, we don't have any friends. None. No girlfriends I can call up to have lunch with, no one to do meet for coffee or to swap babysitting or have a couples' date with. How did those of you who have been through this moving do it? How do you meet people? I miss my friends desperately. I feel like I just survive here until the weeks I get to go "home" and can see friends and family. This particular issue is giving me the most worry with the baby on the way. Since we also have no family up here, who are we going to call when my water breaks or I'm in labor? Who will stay with Jack? Our occasional weekend babysitter has a "real" job so certainly she can't come if the baby decides to make his appearance mid-week. I'm also really sad that there won't be anyone to come see my baby when he is born. I know our parents will come but we don't live in the most easily-accessible area and life makes it hard for our friends and other family to figure out a way and time to come up here.

Don't get me wrong, I don't regret this move. It was the right decision for Jared's career, for our family, and to help us create opportunities down the road. It's been a good learning and growing experience in our marriage--I now know that my family and home are wherever Jared and Jack are. I guess I just didn't count on it being so hard, either.

I'm trying to focus on the fact that "home" isn't the way it was when we left either--our best friends moved to Texas shortly after we left. Things aren't the same. And, I know that people--especially military families--do this kind of thing all the time. I'm just feeling today like the "adventure" is over and the reality isn't quite as rosy as it seemed when first got here.

Petting Zoo!

2009-07-12T13:31:00.000-07:00

A quick post before I hop on a plane back to San Diego...Jack and I just returned less than a week ago from a two week visit out there but work calls...

While we were out there, we met my in-laws for a morning at a petting zoo in Orange County. As Jack has gotten bigger, it's become apparent that he is not a "kamikaze" kind of little boy. He is cautious and takes him time scoping things out before jumping in. So...the petting zoo was no exception. We started in the goat pen, where they had some very, very cute baby goats. The goats were, however, a little agressive for the starting point. So, we made a quick exit to the bunny and guinea pig pen. After a bit of time, Jack warmed up to the idea of feeding them and by the end of the visit, had deteriorated into Jack trying to pick up the guinea pigs by their fur. They were good sports about the whole thing, fortunately. Here are some highlights from the trip.

Jack with his Grampy:

Jack feeding a bunny:

Here's Jack eating the carrot meant for the bunny...

Jack really liked the Llama...me, not so much when I saw the size of its teeth. My mother later reminded me that llamas spit (fortunately, that didn't happen):

Finally, at the end of the visit, here is Jack feeding the animals from his snack trap.

It was a fun day, we had a nice time seeing Jack's Grammie and Grampy, and we're looking forward to going back sometime when Jared can come. I'll post pictures from the 4th of July soon!

Growing Like a Weed

2009-06-16T11:56:00.000-07:00

Gosh, the days are flying by! I can't believe I am already 17 weeks pregnant, which for me may mean I am already more than halfway through the pregnancy! This baby is VERY active...much more so than Jack was. I felt him moving at a much earlier stage and I feel him pretty frequently!

Yesterday, we had a checkup for Jack. Just a normal well-baby checkup but I thought this was as good a time as any to write down a few things about my baby boy and what he is up to these days.

Starting with cold stats--he is in the 50th percentile for height and somewhere between the 25th and 30th for weight. He is 31 inches long and 23 lbs at 16 months. Quite an accomplishment for a kid who wasn't even on the charts at birth and hovered near the 4th percentile for a large portion of his first year. That means he has grown 500% (in weight) since birth!

Still no talking. :-( But, Jack is becoming more and more independent and we are really starting to see his personality develop. He is silly, he loves to make this "cheesy" smile for us (he wrinkles up his nose and shows all his teeth). Unfortunately, we haven't been able to get it on camera yet. He LOVES phones--of all kinds, but he isn't tricked by fake phones. He holds it up to his ear, "talks" into it and then will try to hold it up to your ear. He loves to be chased, especially after his bath when we are trying to get him in pajamas. He's become very affectionate and gives me big hugs. There is nothing that warms my heart more than him falling into my arms for a hug. He has started bringing me books to read to him. He likes to dance. We have this little LeapFrog magnetic puzzle thing on the refrigerator and if you press the frog, it plays silly banjo music. He likes to press it and does this silly little dance all around. He's a great mimic--you show him anything once and he'll have it down. For example, he watched me using the Doppler to listen to the baby's heartbeat and now, whenever he sees it, he'll grab it and run it along his tummy.

Bad Mommy

2009-06-09T18:22:00.001-07:00

Preface to this post: I am blessed by a baby who goes to bed around 6 pm each night and goes easily. No complicated bedtime routine, no fussing. We bring him upstairs, lie him down awake, turn on his seahorse and off to sleep he goes.

I officially feel like the world's worst mommy. Last night, Jack was in a rare state. I picked him up from daycare and he was throwing a fit about not being able to play with a broom. The fit continued when I strapped him into the car. By the time we got home, he was mostly calm but as soon as I got him out, he got mad again because he wanted to play outside and we were headed inside. Fortunately, Jared was home early yesterday so I promptly handed my screaming toddler to my husband. :-) It didn't end there...there were tears through dinner and bath and at this point, we were slightly concerned because he just wasn't acting like him. We took his temp. We gave him teething tablets and some Tylenol. All to no avail. Finally, we decided he needed to go to bed. The first attempt did not work out. He came back downstairs, played nicely for about 3 minutes and then was inconsolable again. After all this, we decided he really, really needed to go to bed and he would just have to cry it out. Cry it out he did--really, it only lasted about 15-20 mins. Later, I went to check on him. He was sleeping peacefully. This morning, I noticed his face and hair were somewhat crusty and felt guilty thinking it must have been mucus from all the crying.

Well, this evening, I went upstairs to get him a towel for bathtime and for some reason, pulled the blanket out of his crib. And realized it was covered in vomit. My poor guy had thrown up last night (likely the cause for all of his fussing last night) and we let him sleep covered and lying in his vomit. I feel so terrible. Next time, I will try to problem solve a little more.

On an unrelated note, my best friend's daughter (and my namesake!), Katy, is having surgery on Thursday to have tubes put in her ears. Although a relatively minor surgery, it's always scary to have your baby put under anesthesia. Please keep them in your prayers, for Jennifer and Robby's peace of mind, that the surgery goes easily and that it is successful in helping keep these chronic ear infections Katy's been having at bay.

First Haircut

2009-06-07T19:10:00.000-07:00

Sniff, sniff. My baby now has enough hair to have a haircut. Last weekend, when we were in San Diego, I brought him to a place that specializes in kids haircuts (figured we would have less chance of losing parts of ears or having large holes in his hair!). They clipped away and the result is very cute. He behaved himslef for the most part until the end, when he wanted very badly to get out of the chair! They gave us a lock of his hair and a certificate commemorating his first haircut.

Congratulations James and Stefani!

2009-06-07T19:05:00.001-07:00

Ok, a week late...but better than never...

Last weekend, we had the privilege of attending the wedding of some close friends of ours, James and Stefani. Jared was the best man and he did a smashing job, if I do say so myself. :-) The wedding was beautiful. It had been a gray and rainy day all day and, as I drove up from San Diego through on- and off-again rain, I worried about this outdoor wedding. As soon as I pulled off the exit to the wedding location, the sun broke out and stayed! It was a beautiful afternoon from there on out. Stefani looked stunning and everything went off without a hitch.

Best wishes to both you! Thank you for including us in your special day!

This and That

2009-05-14T18:30:00.000-07:00

I don't have a ton to post about but I am really trying to be better about keeping up on my blog. So...a few things...

Jack took his first big tumble as a "wobbler" the other day. He now proudly has scratches and bruises on his forehead to show for it. The funny part is that this fall apparently happened as he was trying to push the bigger kids out of the way so he could be the first one to get outside at daycare. My little bruiser. :-)

We have been pretty successful in giving up the bottles. I was lucky and daycare was willing to take on the brunt of the conversion to sippy cups. Started last week and at the beginning of the week, Jack would throw the sippy cup in anger and basically boycotted drinking from it. There was a lot of vocalization accompanying the throwing as well. When I would give him a bottle at bedtime (I was a little too intimidated by all of this to do it 100% cold turkey so we kept the nighttime bottle), he would act as though I had just done the nicest thing for him that I could possibly do. By the end of the week, he was pretty much okay with the cup. No meltdowns over the weekend about the bottle and we are now working on the nighttime bottle, which hasn't really been a problem. My sister always claims that any change with kids is a max one week of torture and then it's all over. This does, indeed, seem to be true.

After months and months of attempting to read books to Jack (I LOVE books) and he having ZERO interest in reading books and me being concerned I would have a child who never wanted to read, Jack has really gotten into books. These two books are our favorites. The first one, On the Night You Were Born, I bought for Jack when he was in the NICU. To be honest, I was very intimidated by all of the wires, cords, lack of privacy and this tiny little baby--I was having a hard time bonding. I didn't know how to talk to him without feeling silly (to be fair, it is REALLY, REALLY hard in such a public, open place to have any private bonding to your baby) and a little like I was talking to an inanimate object. My answer to this was to buy a few books and read to him. I figured it would help me overcome my discomfort. It did and I love that this book is now Jack's favorite. It is such a sweet book, with wonderful illustrations, with a sweet message, based on the verse "You are fearfully and wonderfully made". The second book is by the same author and Jack received it as a gift from his cousins for his first birthday. I highly recommend both of these books to any mommies out there.

Finally, I got an unexpected Mother's Day gift in the mail today from Pajamagram. If you've never heard of them before, check them out! They are my favorite pj's and they make great gifts. They come in a pretty hatbox with a door hanger and sachet. Thanks to my ever-generous and thoughtful in-laws. They are visiting this weekend and we are very excited. We are planning our first trip to the coast.

Mother's Day 2009

2009-05-10T17:43:00.000-07:00

My second Mother's Day and the second time around is sweeter than the last. It's hard to believe that one year ago, Jack was still a newborn and this year, he is an active, walking toddler and we have #2 on the way!

My Mother's Day started yesterday with the arrival of these beautiful flowers from my parents. They are the perfect accoutrement to the table that sits between our two rockers on the porch. I love that my parents remember their children on Valentine's Day and Mother's Day every year. Even before I was a mommy, my mother once gave me a letter she sent my grandparents shortly after I was born. It's one of my favorite, most treasured "possessions."

Jack gave me this fun little frame he "made" at daycare with a sweet picture of him in it. Not sure how they got him to sit still so nicely for this picture. I love it--so does he (he keeps trying to kiss the picture).

Finally, Jack surprised me (with a little help from his daddy) with a beautiful new jewelry box. I love it!

We spent the weekend puttering around town. We have been having the downstairs painted and unfortunately, it has been somewhat of a nightmare. Long story short, they started on Monday, were supposed to be done mid-day Wednesday and were still here yesterday. Oh--and they are coming back tomorrow because they are STILL NOT DONE. Our entire downstairs is torn apart so we really can't have Jack down there at all. So, we spent the weekend shopping for some new decorative things since we went in a whole new direction with the colors. Jack was a good boy during all of the shopping and, as a result, he got a play kitchen today on one of our errands. :-)

Speaking of redecorating, if you are anything like me and love looking at model homes and peeking at how other people decorate their homes, check out

Kelly's Korner

. She is hosting a fun, weekly "home tour" and literally has hundreds of links to pictures of other people's homes. This week was living rooms and last week was kitchens. Definitely satisfies the "peeping tom" in me. ;-)

On a final note, as an added Mother's Day bonus, I got to peek at our baby this morning. Not for the reasons I would have liked, but got a look nonetheless. I had made it this far (12 weeks) none of the problems we had in the first trimester with Jack that probably resulted in his premature birth. Unfortunately, last night, I started having the same problems and so we took a trip to the doctor this morning. They did an ultrasound to check on the baby. First, I should mention that this began as the world's worst ultrasound. Seriously. The woman brought me in without saying a whole lot. For 20 minutes, she was scanning me without saying one word. NOT.ONE.WORD. Didn't show me the screen, didn't say a word. As you can imagine, I was convinced in my head that things must be terribly wrong for her to just be scanning away without saying anything to me. I could tell she was diligently taking measurements and she was very serious. Finally, she turns the screen toward me and turns into a totally different person. She very excitedly shows me fingers, toes, the head, the brain, the face, arms, legs...well, you get the picture. She tells me that the baby is VERY active, which was making it hard for her to take measurements, which is why it took so long. The baby is fine but, unfortunately, we are seeing the same issues in my uterus that we had the last time around. *Sigh* We were hoping this wouldn't be the case this time around but it is what it is. The baby is hanging in there and we will just hope and pray things continue to go as well as they have been. It's a good reminder of who is really in control and I'm trusting Him.

Ultrasound Pictures!

2009-05-05T12:31:00.000-07:00

*Update* Sorry for the poor quality of the picture, I need to figure out how to edit the picture.

We had an ultrasound this morning for the nuchal screen (a screening for trisomy disorders). Based on the ultrasound results, everything looks great. We will find out on the blood work in about a week. At our nuchal screen with Jack (at 12 weeks), we were lucky enough to find out that he was a boy so we had our fingers crossed they would be able to tell us the gender of this baby too!

Well...we saw a growing little baby, little hands and feet and lots of movement. According to the ultrasound tech, who claims she is pretty good at telling gender at this point, the baby looks "more female than male." It's still pretty early though and I feel like it's a boy (but, seriously, my feelings on pregnancy have never panned out to anything real), so we'll see...

Well, without further ado...introducing our newest member of the family...

Of Serendipity and Stethescopes

2009-04-28T10:05:00.001-07:00

Jack and I just got back from our week in San Diego. The first half of the week was HOT! I was completely unprepared for 90 degree plus weather--I had to use it as an opportunity to buy Jack some warm weather clothes. :-)

It was a week full of doctor's appointments, beginning with an ultrasound where I got to see our growing little baby waving it's bitty little arms around. That was reassuring and heart-warming. I am, however, ready to start feeling better. But, I am not complaining (well, too much!) as I am keenly aware how lucky I am to be carrying this baby!

Jack had his 1-year adjusted development assessment. He is 14 months actual now and we were eager for the appointment in hopes that he would be discharged from the high-risk infant clinic and further evaluations. The good news is that he tested at 12 mos for gross and fine motor skills and cognitive development. This is in line with his adjusted age. The disappointing news is that he tested at 9 mos for expressive language (talking) and 6 mos (!) for receptive language (understanding words). The delay was not altogether surprising to us as we knew he wasn't demonstrating an understanding of almost any words or simple commands (e.g., "where's the ball?"). But...I wasn't altogether prepared to hear 6 mos. The long and short of it is that this qualifies Jack for Early Intervention services, including speech therapy. Since we did the assessment in California, they are coordinating services for us in Oregon.

On our flight back from San Diego, we were in an aisle seat and sitting across from a woman who was entertaining Jack by playing nursery games with him. He was quite taken with her, flirting and smiling and giggling. She helped keep his attention and spirits up--and fussing to a minimum. Towards the end of the flight, I asked her what she did for a living and it turns out that she is the director of the early intervention program in our town that Jack has been referred to! It was quite serendipitous and, after we got off the plane, she introduced me to the woman who will be his teacher (they were traveling to a conference together).

On a funny note, yesterday, I went to pick Jack up from daycare. He is now walking nearly 100% of the time. Well, he came to the door with a stethescope around his neck, the same way a doctor wears it (slung around the back of his neck). I laughed and the teacher told me that he had been wearing it all day and knows how to use it appropriately. She said that after he "checks" out his "patients" (stuffed animals), he slings it back over his neck and has worn it like that all day. She was puzzled as to how he would know how to wear it like that since none of the older kids do. In my estimation, he has either spent too much time at doctors' offices or he is striving to follow in his Bampa's footsteps (given his affinity for my father, I am putting my money on the latter...). :-)

We're Growing!

2009-04-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

I've been waiting to post our family news for a couple of weeks now but since we've had recent encouraging appointments, we're going public.

We're pregnant with baby #2! Jack will soon be a big brother! Given the amount of complications we had with Jack, we're cautiously optimistic for the outcome of this pregnancy. So far, we've had a pretty good start to things...and one of the biggest differences is the peace I have about the current situation. I have a peace that whatever is coming our way is meant to be and we will weather any storms that may come. (I am a little overwhelmed by the thought of TWO babies under the age of two!) Please keep us in your prayers and thoughts as we make it through the rest of the first trimester and beyond.

In other news, I am distributing Stellan's bracelets again. Visit MckMama's blog to buy yours in support of Stellan! He is having his ablation surgery tomorrow.

Today I...

2009-04-10T17:34:00.000-07:00

I am taking the invitation to be tagged from this blog I read.

Today I...

Ate: 1 plain bagel and cream cheese, 2 peanut butter cups, and a bowl of noodles.

Felt: Content

Listened: to Nicol Sponberg's Resurrection. I love this song--and very fitting for Good Friday.

Watched: Nothing yet!

Loved: My sister's recent blog post. My niece cracks me up--I love her spelling and pictures. I equally loved the video my childhood friend Brigid posted on Facebook. Her husband is a Navy SEAL in Iraq right now, she works for the Padres and her little 3 yo son got to yell "Play Ball" to start a recent Pad's game after a video message from his daddy in Iraq.

Hoped: that my husband would come home early tonight and handle dinner and bathtime. He did!

Wished: that I could see the house my best friend just bought in Texas. To anyone from Texas reading this...I've VERY RELUCTANTLY handed my best friend over to your state. But, I'm glad she got her first house. :-)

Enjoyed: Listening to my son try to say "tickle, tickle, tickle" in his carseat today.

Wondered: When my son will start talking!!!

Drank: Orange Juice

Wanted: to have the time to get to Children's Place to get Jack's Easter outfit. Tomorrow, I guess...

Looked: Stellan's bracelets...still looking...

Tag! You're it.
Leave me a message if you take the tag.

On a closing note--after almost 4 weeks in the PICU, baby Stellan's heart has finally responded to a medicine regimen. He's moving on down to the step-down unit. Did I not say that Easter is a time for miracles????

Slow Living

2009-04-06T11:04:00.000-07:00

My whole life (or at least since I read Little House on the Prairie), I've had dreams of a front porch with rockers. Well, this weekend, my dream came true! Our new house has a front porch and one of the things I love the most about the neighborhood we bought in is that everyone is always in their front yards. Kids run around together through the cul-de-sac and the parents hang out in the front yards. This weekend, we went to the new Lowe's in our area and used the coupons they sent us to buy two porch rockers and a little table. The weather this weekend (71 degrees!!!) further added to my visions of enjoying coffee on my front porch while rocking. We also FINALLY have a spot to hang up the beautiful windchime we received from Jared's sister and husband as a wedding present. It plays Amazing Grace (I had no idea windchimes could actually play a song!). It will hang on the porch, as well. They had a little child's rocker but it only came in white and we bought black rockers. Maybe when Jack gets a bit older, we;ll try to find a matching one for him (he did have a great time rocking on it in the store!).

Spring!

2009-03-30T18:34:00.001-07:00

Easter is coming! I love Easter--I love everything it is about. It is such a time of hope, of re-birth, of redemption. I've never loved Easter as much as I did after last year. After one of the rainier weeks since we've been here in Oregon, we had a beautiful day today. It started out cold, with frost on the ground when Jack and I left this morning, but turned into a just beautiful spring day. There are a lot of flowering trees in full blossom here; we don't really have trees like that in San Diego and it is just spectacular. After I picked Jack up, we went to Target to get him diapers and I wound up buying stuff for his Easter basket. What do you get for a 1 yr-old's basket??? They had some cute stuff and I finally settled on a Mr. Potato Head in a bunny costume, some eggs filled with Little People Easter characters, a little flip board book, and a little book about the story of Easter. I will post pictures of his basket after Easter.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, baby Stellan has been on my mind. As I read the updates and as I bought all of Jack's Easter basket fillings, I was reminded of where we were last year. We were traveling daily between home and the hospital, alternately hoping Jack would be cleared to come home and being absolutely terrified of bringing a baby home that would regularly "forget" to breathe. We were struggling with the ups and downs of being told he would come home, then told he wouldn't...changing care plans, etc., etc. And then, two days before Easter, we came to the hospital and they told us Jack would be going home with us...THAT DAY!!!! We were so excited--but cautious (we had gotten halfway through the paperwork once before and Jack had had a bradycardic episode during the process and wound up staying three more weeks). Looking back on that time, it's hard to imagine we were the same parents and Jack was the same baby he is today. We spent that Easter weekend, which was full of everything Easter promises--renewed beginnings, renewed life, reveling in the blessings that had been heaped on us and exploring our new, tiny son. He was, and still is, the best gift God ever gave me and it was so fitting that he came home at Easter. I am grateful for the lessons Jack has taught me over the last year and for the privilege of being his mommy.

Here's a picture from his first Easter, I'm looking forward to many more to come! I'm praying that the people whose blogs I read who are struggling with illness in their families or with their children know the peace and renewal of Easter this season, as we did.

Prayer Request

2009-03-24T18:35:00.000-07:00

I've blogged about MckMama when she was pregnant with her baby, Stellan. Long story short, when she was pregnant, her baby went into heart block, including severe tachycardia, and it appeared there was little hope of him surviving. Miraculously, he made it through and was born without a trace of the heart problems he experienced in the womb. Now about 3-4 months old, he caught a cold and received a nebulizer treatment that inexplicably pushed him back into tachycardia. He's going on a few days of his heart rate in the 200s and things aren't looking great. All attempts to convert his heart have failed so far. MckMama and her brood need your prayers. Please join us in praying for Stellan's healing or visit her blog.

Blogger's Block

2009-03-24T12:54:00.000-07:00

Not that I have ever been particularly diligent about updating my blog but I feel fairly negligent these days...I just have nothing much to write about. I also have no pictures to post (well, not entirely true, I'm just too lazy to pull them off the camera!). Anyway, here are a few things going on in our life (does anyone know how to make bullet points in Blogger????):

--My dear friend, M, had her second baby last Monday. I was lucky enough to be in San Diego when Baby T was born. He, unfortunately, spent a couple of days in the NICU but I was able to see and hold him before I left. He's out and home now--and 100% sweet, cute and cuddly!
--Jack is starting to walk. He'll take a few steps, mostly in the company of other wobblers, and is not likely to repeat his performances for his parents, causing them much aggravation. :-)
--We had Jack's 1-yr appointment two weeks ago Friday. I am happy to report that he has sprouted up to the 50th percentile in height, though still hovering between 20-25th for weight. He may have a heart murmur (first we've heard about this!) so we have an ECG on Friday to determine the extent of it. We're hoping it's nothing serious!
--Our friends, Jenn and Robby, made the decision to move to Texas in late November. Jenn went first with the girls to live with her parents while she hunted for a job. Robby stayed behind to continue working, with the plan to follow Jenn out when she found a job. He actually found something first and so he moved out there in February! Now, she is waiting to hear back on an interview she recently had and they've made an offer on a house, contingent on her job offer. So, we're praying she gets the job and they can move into their beautiful new house! We miss them a great deal!
--I'm starting to feel the loneliness of moving somewhere I don't have friends. I miss mine dearly and I'm trying to join some activities so I can meet people. It's tough as a working mommy to find things on the weekends and balance that with family time!
--It's apparently whale season! Here in OR, we had a (sadly, dead) whale beach and found out that OR has a history with dead, beached whales. In the 70s, the same thing happened and, oddly, someone had the bright idea to blow the whale up as a means to dispose of it. That plan did not execute well and this time they buried the whale. Meanwhile, when I was in San Diego, there was a whale in the bay (which almost never happens) and I got to go out on my parent's new boat and we were able to see the whale breach and blow several times! It was pretty amazing.
--Finally, I have given up pumping! I'm shocked that I made it to my original, lofty goal of one year--actually I made it to 13 months of exclusive pumping! It's been a *painful* process of weaning but I'm almost through it!

Playmates

2009-03-03T21:28:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the terrible quality--I only had my phone to record this video. Two of Jack's favorite pasttimes: playing with the dogs (unless there is food involved, they run for the hills when they see him coming) and the newly discovered snack trap.

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder...

2009-02-26T16:16:00.000-08:00

I am in California on a whirlwind overnight trip. I left Jack at home--missing him terribly but have to say I had forgotten how easy a plane ride is sans baby. :-) Since I had some mental time to myself, I was thinking about the things I miss since moving away. Here is my list (in no particular order)...

1. Golden Spoon (especially trips with my friend Michelle)
2. California Pizza Kitchen
3. Henry's Market
4. Soup Plantation (I know this isn't just in California but we don't have one where we live!)
5. Baby Gap
6. Babies R Us (and Kiddie Kandids)
7. Crate and Barrel
8. Pottery Barn Kids
9. My family
10. My friends

The bright spot is that I get to come back and visit these places/people once a month!

Ash Wednesday

2009-02-25T10:23:00.000-08:00

Today marks the beginning of Lent. I'm not giving anything up this year--instead, I'm going to work on my biggest spiritual struggle--contentment. Contentment in good times and in bad times. Additionally, I (well, Jared and I) plan to spend the next 40 days studying the book, Sacred Marriage. The book is not a marriage self-help book but takes the approach that the goal of marriage is holiness, not happiness. Before we got married, Jared and I attended an Engaged Encounter weekend, which was one of the most humbling and life/relationship changing experiences of our lives. Engaged Encounter also operated on the premise that the goal of marriage is not happiness, but unity. (This is not to say that the goal of marriage should be to be unhappy--but that, if one expects marriage to be the answer to happiness, they will be sorely disappointed. It's an unrealistic goal.) Jared and I embrace this concept for our own marriage but we've found, in the day-to-day stresses of life, it's so easy to forget that marriage takes work. Hard work. I want to take the next 40 days to refocus my relationship with God...seek contentment in my life as it is, without needing anything more and, through this, to reaffirm my marriage.

I'll end this with these great words that I intend to try to make a daily devotion over the next 40 days...

If God brings you to it,

He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God,

Difficult moments, seek God.

Quiet moments, worship God.

Painful moments, trust God.

Every moment, thank God.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2009-02-17T15:56:00.000-08:00

We had a wonderful V-Day! It was one of the first Valentine's Days that has not been de-railed in some way or another. Last year, as we were literally walking out the door to go to dinner, my water broke unexpectedly and that Valentine's Day began a week-long hospital stay as we tried to keep Jack in as long as possible! Another year, we had little nieces staying over as my older sister went into labor and my nephew spent the night in the hospital after breaking his arm! Those are two of the more memorable V-Day hiccups but every year, there is something.

I digress...on Thursday night, we flew out to Arizona for a long-overdue trip to visit Jared's brother, sister-in-law and adorable 3 nieces. We had such a wonderful trip--a yummy, yummy decadent dinner on Friday at a Tuscan restaurant, softball games on Saturday morning/afternoon (you should see these petite little girls tearing up the field!), a early birthday celebration for Jack on Saturday evening...lots of catching up and relaxing. It was a great weekend. On Sunday, Jared flew home and on Monday, Jack and I made our way to San Diego for our week in town with my family. We had anothere birthday party for him last night--I will post pictures later. It was a wonderful evening. Exactly what I would have wanted for his first birthday party.

Meanwhile, I'm basking in a most perfect Valentine's Day--I'm so blessed by the two best sweethearts in the world.

Thanks, Hyland!

2009-02-09T11:43:00.000-08:00

Jack is cutting 5 teeth right now--and this is, by far, what I would consider one of the more difficult parenting times of the past year. My happy, giggly, low-maintenance, super-sleeper baby has been replaced by a whiny, clingy, awake-every-hour, emotionally unstable nightmare. Even when I am holding him, he is constantly emitting a low-frequency whine, which is worse than fingernails on chalkboard. We can't set him down or walk away (even within his visual field) without him being reduced to a puddle of tears. He can seriously go from happy and engaged in an activity to a complete mess in a matter of seconds lest we even appear to be paying attention to anything but him. We have tried everything--Tylenol, infant Motrin, Orajel, teethers, teething cookies, fingers (ouch--I've been bitten HARD a couple of times!), etc., etc. Yesterday afternoon, on my whit's end, Jack and I took a trip to Albertson's and picked up some Hyland's Teething Tablets. I wasn't convinced these would do anything--they don't have any numbing agents and it isn't entirely clear how they work. But, they do. Within about 15 minutes of taking the tablets, our boy was back again. We got the first several hour stretches of sleep we've had in a while. So, thanks, Hyland's. You've made this mama happy.

New Header

2009-01-29T16:08:00.000-08:00

I've long been envious of those people who have fancy, cool blog headers. I'm just not creative like that. But...I had an incredibly creative gal design my new header--and I love it. Additional changes may be forthcoming in the form of pictures. The same gal has designed an awesome Valentine's Day card for us, which I would post but I don't want to ruin the surprise of sending them out! Hop over to her site if you are in need of invitations, announcements, or blog headers!

Past, Present and Future

2009-01-22T11:33:00.000-08:00

I read this on one of my favorite blogs...thought it was fun and if it makes me cooler, than I'm all for it. :-)

Where were you January 22nd....

5 years ago- 25 yo, had just lost my job at the company where I met my future husband, and was feeling quite bereft. Little did I know, that job loss would open the doors to the rest of my career and move my relationship with my husband along nicely.

10 years ago- In college, since Jan. 22, 2009 was a Friday, I was most likely contemplating my weekend plans and possibly attending class.

15 years ago- Sophomore in high school, I was just beginning my descent into a wicked case of teen angst. Probably fighting with my mother, plotting against my mother and lamenting over all the ways I was convinced she was ruining my life. For the record, lest this sound like I have a terrible relationship with my mother, it was confined to a few years of highschool.

20 years ago- I was 10 yo, sharing a room with my older sister, who was soon to graduate high school and leave me for Yale. I'm sure I was tormenting her in a million ways--such as using her prom dresses for doll outfits, etc. I was, also, quite enamoured with with her teenage coolness.

Where are ya going?

5 years from now- Jack will be almost 6--in kindergarten. Wow! Perhaps he will have a sibling. Jared will be working on his MBA and I will probably still be working for a bank.

10 years from now- Jack will be solidly in elementary school, joined by the possible sibling, and since our careers are still so much in flux, maybe we will be living somewhere else, me still in risk management, Jared in IT management--maybe further along.

15 years from now- Jack in high school, me probably getting back all of the anxiety I doled out to my parents, Jared and I both still plugging away at our careers.

20 years from now- Probably still paying for college educations, kids becoming adults, still working in respective careers.

25 years from now- Maybe looking toward retirement? Possible weddings for our children. Possibly still paying for college educations (likely, actually). :-)

On the Hunt...

2009-01-17T15:36:00.000-08:00

Perhaps the most frustrating, scary parts about working motherhood (well, working parenthood) is finding childcare. In San Diego, we managed to find possibly the best daycare 15 houses away from ours and on the first interview we ever had. It helped that Jared had gone to school with the woman's grown boys, but still...we knew we were lucky, I don't know that we knew how lucky. I dropped my preemie baby boy there when for the first time when he was just about 5 mos old and I never, ever worried once. We miss her terribly.

When we moved up here, we naturally assumed that a home-based daycare would be our best option, based on our experience in San Diego. We found the woman Jack has been going to up here pretty quickly upon moving and, although we know she loves our son and she is a warm, caring woman, it's just not the perfect fit for us. So...off we went in search of new daycare.

Wow--what an experience this has been. I started last week, visiting a woman who lives pretty close to us--another home-based daycare. I really, really liked her but the house was small, dingy, had piles of unwashed dishes in the sink and, as Jared put it, he didn't want to hang out there. So...not sure if we want to leave our son to hang out there, day in and day out.

Friday comes and I am armed with ads for three providers. Two are home-based, one is a Montessori school that has an infant/toddler room. I set off in my brand-new, less than a month-old minivan (this will become relevant shortly). As I pull up to the first place, I start to feel the glimmers of first hope. The house is nice and through the window, I can see the woman is well put together (you wouldn't believe the number of ads I've read where there were misspellings, grammatical errors, etc.--so this was looking good), looks like a normal person. So far, so good. She starts off with a tour of her house, which is clean and nice. Big backyard with lots of play equipment and complete with a chicken coop and baby chicks. (Note: although this looks great for kiddos, I kept my distance given my intense fear of the avian variety.) Then we sit down. First, her two children are ill-behaved. The entire time. She does not do a great job of disciplining or redirecting them. The TV is on the whole time--now, it is the Disney movie, Cars, so I could probably get past that but the provider spends her entire time watching the TV, not looking at me, while she talks. Then, she inquires about my son's eating habits...asking whether he likes to eat, "you know, corndogs?" Corndogs?!?! My son is 10 mos old!!!! Did she really just ask that??? (Aside from age inappropriateness...is this their regular diet?) Now, she doesn't ask me about any other foods, just corndogs. A few minutes later, one of the other children she watches, an 18-mo old girl, shows up. She seats her on the loveseat with her as we continue our conversation. Her 4 year-old then asks for help using the potty. She gets up to help her use the potty and asks me if Jack is good about staying sitting on the couch unattended. Seriously????? We end our conversation when she tells me that her full time rate is $250/week. This is ASTRONOMICALLY EXPENSIVE for an unregistered, home-based day care. We could go to the cadillac of all childcare centers and not pay that much. Sheesh.

Okay--on to the next place. This ad looks good. There are pictures of a bright, sunny yellow room, set up like a nursery school, happy children laughing as they work on an art project. Pictures of the play area show new, nice play equipment. I soon learn her pictures were strategically taken and left out A LOT. My first impression as I drove up the driveway (an long, L-shaped driveway, which will become important soon), was a porch bench that was chained (yes, chained...padlock and all) to the side of the house. No porch. Now, the pictures were not all deceiving...the front room, used for daycare, was bright and sunny and set up nicely for a preschool. However--again, dishes piled in the sink in the kitchen, and breakfast dishes with half-eaten food are still sitting out on the counter where the kids ate breakfast. It's 11:30 am. The breakfast included tater tots. Not exactly the breakfast of the champions. Now...seriously, I would never go to a job interview in jeans. When you have a scheduled visit from a prospective new customer, is it really too hard to make sure the house is clean??? Doesn't give me great hope for what the regular state of these places are. After our interview ends, I head out to my car and begin the process of backing up down this L-shaped driveway. I am focusing intently on navigating out until I hear a big crunch. That's right, I have completely side-swiped the daycare owner's car. I sheepishly make my way back into that bright, sunny room and begin the process of calling insurance. The woman is very gracious and fairly non-plussed by this turn of events. I, on the other hand, am completely embarassed and sheepish, considering I had sat there not ten minutes earlier explaining that I really wasn't comfortable having daycare transporting my child in a car anywhere. Then I proceed to crash into thier car.

After the insurance information is exchanged, I hightail my way out of there, call my best friend in tears and tell her I don't think I want to live here anymore. She talks me down from my ledge (but gives a shameless plug for moving to Texas if I really think I can't make it here) but I determine that home-based daycare is not the best route for us in this town.

Back to square one. Took my now-damaged brand new car and make my way to the Montessori, trying to recover some dignity and feeling like this is my last hope. I am broken down at this point, folks. The Montessori was great. They can take my son. Unfortunately, they will be closing the infant/toddler program in September and we will be back without childcare. Arrrrgh...

They did, however, refer me to Kindercare. I visited there--loved it, but wasn't ready to commit. We saw another big-center daycare this morning and liked that one even better. It's quite a drive, though--so we're going to evaluate a few more options. Hopefully, we will find the right thing.

In closing, I'm leaving you with a picture of my damaged car. :-(

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas...

2008-12-13T09:45:00.000-08:00

We got our first snowfall last night! Not a lot of snow but snow nonetheless. Pretty exciting for folks who come from year-round 70 degree weather! According to forecasts, the worst of the storm is supposed to come tomorrow, so maybe more snow!

Here is the view of the hills behind our house, from our back porch. You can see the snow sticking in the trees! It didn't stick in the field behind the house--maybe tomorrow it will be more white out there!

Here our our cars, with a little layer of snow.

Introducing...

2008-12-12T21:35:00.001-08:00

...the newest addition to our Toyota family...that's right, I am now a minivan mama! So, from BMW to minivan in less than 2 years...if poor Jared had only known what he was in for when we got married, well, he may not have tied the knot.

This is pretty much our exact car, but we are having leather added next week while I am in San Diego.

Magical Huggable Hangers

2008-12-10T18:18:00.000-08:00

We lost a lot of closet space in our move, unfortunately. Gained a lot of living space but now we have nowhere to hide our messes. :-) In our old house, we had huge, vast closet space in the master bedroom, complete with built in shelving and drawers. No more. So, I've been fretting over what to do with our clothes and the professional organizer (see last post) suggested Huggable Hangers. We were at Target the other day and they were on sale so we decided to give it a try. They advertise they can double or triple your closet space, which seemed suspicious to me but we were willing to give it a try. While they didn't quite triple the closet space, they did do wonders for clearing up space and making it so much less cluttered. Here are some before and after pictures.

BEFORE:
Note that I could not get all clothes in one frame.

AFTER

Catching Up

2008-12-08T20:25:00.000-08:00

I'm a lazy blogger. I often have ideas for blog entries in my head but finding the time to sit down and actually put them into an entry...well, this is where I fail. I am good at reading blogs, though. I'll consider that an accomplishment. So...here's a peek into our life.

Mealtime
Forget eating around the table or in a high chair, Jack has shown such an interest in the way that the dogs eat, we're just feeding him with them now. Kidding, folks, kidding!

Like Father, Like Son

Fugitive!
This kid HATES getting dressed. Diaper and clothing changes are fraught with tears, screaming, some four-letter words muttered *mostly* under the breath, and no shortage of immense frustration on the part of all parties. Here's Jack making a break for it after a bath. See that devious face???

Washing Dishes
Well, we wish we could teach him to wash his own bottles. *Sigh*

Standing Up!
Jack's into everything, often giving us near coronaries as he handily shows us what we need to babyproof. For example, stealthily (read: quickly) crawling towards the one uncovered outlet and attempting to stick his tongue in the socket. Ayyyy... Here's a picture of him nicely standing up...

Organizing!
Okay, I'd love to take credit for this, but I won't...I actually had a PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZER (who knew such persons exist???) come to the house and help me with some projects. My pantry had been making me crazy and this is what we wound up with.

Still Unpacking
Here is our latest accomplishment--we've finished putting Jack's room together. We haven't painted yet, which we plan to at some point, and we also want to put up new window treatments. But, here is the rough draft. Note the two paintings on the wall, painted by my very-talented sister (both sisters got all of the creative genes, leaving me with none).

Finally, Buddy, our own personal elf, is keeping an eye on everyone and reporting back to Santa on who is naughty and nice. We've adopted The Elf on the Shelf as a new family tradition.

In closing, we are enjoying this Christmas season, this new chapter in our lives and feeling so grateful for all of the many blessings we've had this year. As we reflect on the past year, and most of all give thanks for the birth of our sweet baby boy, we eagerly anticipate our Savior's birth. We hope everyone enjoys His many blessings this season, especially joy and peace.

Survey--and Tag, You're It!

2008-11-21T10:45:00.000-08:00

My sister recently posted this survey on her blog. Although she didn't officially "tag" anyone, I'm taking her cue and doing the same. This satisfies all of the email forwarded surveys I haven't responded to...and, I tag Jenn and Tara to do the same on their blog...

1. Do you like blue cheese?
Yes! And Oregon has lots of good blue cheeses.
2. Have you been ever drunk?
Is this a serious (sober) question? Ditto to sister's answer.
3. Do you own a gun?
No way--and they terrify me.
4. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite?
I hate Kool Aid. Especially the kind served in Jonestown.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor's appointments?
Nope.
6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Love them. Bologna too.
7. Favorite Christmas movie?
Charlie Brown Christmas.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee.
9. Can you do push ups?
Um, no.
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
My wedding ring.
11. Favorite hobby?
Reading.
12. Do you have A.D.D.?
No.
13. What's your weight?
Way too personal--and not what I would like to claim it to be.
14. Middle name?
Elizabeth.
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment??
Iced tap water from Starbucks is uncommonly good, bummed best friend is moving to Texas, and I miss my husband.
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Diet Coke, water, coffee
17. Current worry?
About my son's doctor appt on Monday.
18. Current hate right now?
That my best friend is moving to Texas.
19. Favorite place to be?
At home with my husband and son.
20. How did you bring in the New Year?
Seriously can't remember but I'm guessing it was at home, pregnant.
21. Where would you like to go?
Back to Ireland.
22. Name three people who will complete this.
I do not like this question. Ditto to sister's answer.
23. Do you own slippers?
Yes.
24. What color shirt are you wearing right now?
Oatmeal
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
I don't think I ever have, and I don't think I want to. Ditto to sister's answer.
26. Can you whistle?
Not at all.
27. Favorite color??
Pink.
28. Would you be a pirate?
No, too risky.
29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don't sing in the shower.
30. Favorite girl's name?
Eleanor.
31. Favorite boy's name?
Jack. :-)
32. What's in your pocket?
Airline ticket stubs
33. Last thing that made you laugh?
My niece lamenting over the fact that her mother will not allow her to have a Bratz doll and in response to my musing that Santa may not like Bratz, seeing as he prefers nice little girls, tells me that "Santa has EVERY toy, Auntie Kate." I stand corrected.
34. Worst injury you've ever had as a child?
Head bonk resulting in seizure.
36. Do you love where you live?
I do.
37. How many TVs do you have in the house?
Two.
38. Who is your loudest friend?
Probably me. :-) Actually, I amend that...Tara, for sure.
39. How many dogs do you have?
Two sweet, floppy eared puppies.
40. Does someone have a crush on you?
My husband, I think...I hope
41. What is your favorite book?
My favorite books are Jodi Piccoult.
42. What is your favorite candy?
White chocolate
44. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Why am I not surprised that my sister has an iTunes playlist for her funeral??? On Eagles Wings for me.

Here are some more or less intriguing questions from another email survey:

What is your occupation right now?
Compliance Officer
What are you listening to right now?
Myself typing
What was the last thing that you ate?
Chocolate croissant
Can you drive a stick shift?
No, but I know how.
Last person you spoke to on the phone?
My friend Michelle.
What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?
Not a fan of watching sports on TV.
What is your favorite drink?
Coffee
Favorite food?
Thai
What is the last movie you watched?
Last one I can remember? Baby Mama
Favorite day of the year?
Thanksgiving.
How do you vent anger?
By venting to friends.
What was your favorite toy as a child?
Dolls.
When was the last time you cried?
This morning when saying a pre-goodbye to best friend.
What did you do last night?
Spent time with sister, husband and nieces. Jack had first bathtime with cousins.
What are you most afraid of?
Heights and losing people I love.
Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?
Cheese
Favorite dog breed?
Cocker spaniels
Favorite day of the week?
Saturday
How many states have you lived in?
Four states: Connecticut, California, Ohio, Oregon
What is your favorite flower?
Stargazer Lilies

I'm skipping Fer's contributions because they are too hard for me to focus on right now. Okay, so maybe I do have ADD...:-) Jenn, Tara, you're it...post on your blogs!

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T14:49:00.000-07:00

Prayers for MckMama

2008-10-28T18:47:00.000-07:00

The gal who writes one of my favorite blogs, affectionally known as MckMama, will be meeting her new baby son, Stellan, tomorrow morning via cesarean. Stellan has had a rough start in life--about half-way through the pregnancy, among other things, he was diagnosed with an irreversible heart block that miraculously reversed and has been on a better path since then. Still, it is not entirely known how he will fare once he is born. So, please join me in prayer tonight and tomorrow for MckMama to be bathed in peace and resolution as she steps into a "deep hole", for Stellan's safe arrival and for his health, and for MckMama's subsequent recovery. If he does require a NICU stay or other treatments, please pray for their family's strength as they walk that incredibly difficult road and for God to lead the hands and hearts of every doctor who works with Stellan.

Regardless of the outcome, I know that God's will is at work. This story has touched so many lives--Stellan's life has already been a full one. We're cheering for you MckMama and Stellan!

Don't You Forget About Me...

2008-10-28T11:33:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the long blogging hiatus. Please don't give up on me! Our life looks a lot like this these days:

We made it! We're here! On October 16, Jack, my friend Marcia and I hopped on a plane and flew to Oregon. It was Jack's first plane ride and he was a great passenger. On both legs of the trip, the people in front of us commented they didn't even realize there was a baby sitting behind them! Here is my little man on his first airplane ride:

To reassure inquiring minds, no, Jack did not ride sitting on a seat by himself. He was "safely" in my arms.

Our departure was hard. My best friend Jennifer brought me and Jack to the airport--it's the first time in our 9 years of friendship that we've had to say goodbye--made ever more bittersweet by the news that she and her family will themselves be moving next month--to Texas. I'm sad about missing watching the girls grow up as we've been lucky to do so far. I guess our annual family vacations will now include Texas as a destination!

Otherwise, the moving went fairly uneventfully. Our belongings arrived in one piece and undamaged, our house is FABULOUS and we are not at all unpacked. But, I'm loving it. The weather has been beautiful (really, does it rain here? 'Cause we haven't seen any evidence of that...), the trees are on fire with changing colors...it's everything I'd hoped for. We even had deer grazing in the field behind our house the other night.

The best part? Being back with my husband. I missed him dearly for those three weeks. Jack has been thrilled to have his Daddy back, too.

Okay, a parting picture of Jack upon arrival in Oregon at the airport...

Stay tuned...I will be bringing you on a "tour" of our new home soon!

Moving Woes

2008-10-07T08:36:00.001-07:00

Last night I was feeling very stressed out about the logistics of the upcoming move...Jared's been gone for a couple of weeks now, so it is just me and Jack. It turns out that the new house is not set up for a gas dryer (which is what we currently own) but we were able to find someone with the electric version of our current dryer in the same position and so we traded! That was WONDERFUL and eliminated the need to purchase a new dryer--but, since Jared left, I have been without a dryer. Baby laundry is not easy without a dryer. But, I digress. As I was feeling rather sorry for myself last night, I decided to procrastinate figuring out childcare and the logistics of dealing with the packers, the movers, getting out of this house and to my parents, getting my office packed up, etc...by catching up on my blog reading. As usual, I was brought right back down to earth by CFHusband's blog. I've posted about this amazing family before--Tricia, the mom/wife has cystic fibrosis, Gwyneth, is the miracle premature baby born earlier this year, and Nate is the devoted, loving and blogging father/husband...well, Tricia is back in the hospital ICU battling an infection. The logistics this family has to face--well, it put mine in perspective. If you have some time today, say a prayer for Tricia's health.

Jack o'Lantern

2008-09-30T18:02:00.000-07:00

One of my best friends and I took our little guys to have Halloween pictures taken this weekend. It wasn't the fastest trip to Kiddie Kandids but the boys were troopers and the pictures came out great. I couldn't think of any better costume for Jack than a "Jack" o'Lantern (aka pumpkin)...

And here is Jack and his buddy, T...

Jared left for Oregon and his new job last Thursday, so this was my first weekend alone with Jack...on top of desperately missing my husband, I am appreciating his hands-on involvement with Jack more and more!

A couple of weeks ago, there was this post on one of the blogs I read, reflecting on friendships and the value they bring to our lives. I've been so blessed with the friendships I have in my life--and more than just friends, some of these gals are my neighbors and co-workers (yes, there are a few of us that have followed one another from job to job). In addition, I have been blessed with the friendships that have blossomed out of family relationships--my sisters and sisters-in-law.

Never before this year have I seen the power of friendship the way I have this year. When my water broke early and I spent a week in the hospital before Jack's birth, these ladies immediately ran out and bought oodles of preemie clothes, snacks and food in the hospital, helped keep my toes looking cute during my stay (thanks, Jenn!), covered projects at work. Then, after Jack was born, they made visits to see him (and me!), were my rocks, sounding boards, and shoulders to cry on during the month he was in the hospital...my friends and sisters were all about me...even when they had their own difficult things going on. Most recently, they pulled together a surprise going away party for us and have helped keep me sane through the moving process.

I am terrified to move away from this...I don't think I can re-create it somewhere else. I am going to miss all of them so much. Fortunately, I am only a plane ride away--and most of them have guest bedrooms...:-)

Things Found While Moving

2008-09-23T19:15:00.000-07:00

Found under the guest bathroom sink...

If little dixie cups don't seem to be a particularly blog-worthy find, check out the expiration date on the coupon on the back of the box... (Look closely, it's at the bottom.)

These little cups have inexplicably survived, well, 32 years...they're older than me! (I say that with glee since hitting 30 has NOT been the highlight of my year.) Lest you think I haven't been able to bring myself to dole out some money for a newer box of cups...they aren't mine! This house belongs to Jared's parents, who lived here for approximately 11 years before our two years. Based on the age of the cups, they have traveled from Westchester, CA (LA) to Grass Valley, CA (Northern CA) and back to Southern California (and to two houses at that!). Why they've been moved is a mystery. I'm certainly not going to be the one to bring an end to their life...they'll stay here with the house. :-)

Nature or Nurture???

2008-09-23T17:25:00.000-07:00

Pretty sure it's all nature...as I watched my now 7 month-old son beat a jack-in-the-box lamb toy with a maraca on Sunday night. It's pretty funny to watch the "boy" emerge...

Home is Where the Heart Is...

2008-09-12T08:24:00.000-07:00

Introducing...our new house! Our offer was accepted yesterday so, barring any unforeseen complications, this will be our new digs! We're so excited!

We Remember

2008-09-11T16:54:00.001-07:00

We have, in our minds and hearts, those who died on 9-11-01 and those who survived them.

Oregon Trails...

2008-09-10T15:22:00.000-07:00

I loved that game as a kid...it was one of my favorite computer lab activities in grammar school! Perhaps a portense of things to come...

Anyway, back to topic...for those who haven't heard, we've made the difficult but exciting decision to relocate to Oregon! Jared got a call from a recruiter several weeks ago, which turned into a phone interview, and then a "real" interview...and before we knew it, we were faced with a decision about relocating. After much thought, prayer, (some tears!), and deliberation, we made the decision to accept the offer.

Heavy on my heart was the prospect of leaving my company, which I've been working for through many of my recent major life events...getting engaged, getting married, having a baby, etc. They have been incredibly flexible with me through all of it and I have a lot of loyalty to the company. I was shocked when they made the incredible offer to have me continue working remotely and come back monthly for on-site visits!

We've put an offer on a house and are anxiously awaiting an answer. We found a property that we think will be perfect to raise our baby in...we're hoping the property feels the same way about us!

Please send your thoughts and prayers our way as we begin this exciting new chapter in our lives!

Happy Half Birthday, Jack!

2008-08-22T18:38:00.001-07:00

Jack is 6 months old today! I can't believe a half a year has passed since he was born. Here's how we celebrated:

With pureed vegetables...yummy!

And by starting to sit up, which looks something like this:

And then like this...

My life has never been as full and meaningful as it has in the past 6 months--this has been the best 6 months of my life. I feel so blessed to be watching this little person become and I am so, so blessed to walk this road with my husband.

Jack gave us a gift last night for his half-birthday--our best night of sleep ever. Still not "through the night" but a good night anyway.

Not a Perfect Ten in My Book...

2008-08-18T17:53:00.000-07:00

Source: Getty Images (Copyright)

For the record, I will say I am sorely disappointed in the Olympics this year. I'm not sure when, but they did away with the "Perfect Ten" in gymnastics. A perfect 10 just sounds SO much better than 15.26. My best childhood friend, B. and I spent hours upon hours first watching the movie Nadia and then playing gymnastics and fighting over who got to be Nadia (then we got smart and realized her teammate Teadora was way prettier...then fought over who got to be Teadora). Which brings me to my next disappointment--I've been combing the channels for a replay of that wonderful 80's movie Nadia--and it hasn't been on. :-(

Since B. is the only one of us with a daughter, I'm pinning all of my Olympic hopes on her future career as a gymnast. Hopefully they will have brought back the "Perfect 10" by then.

Wedding Bells

2008-08-10T17:00:00.000-07:00

My little brother got married on Saturday evening and my parents are one in-law closer to their original plan of having 12 children...(they stopped at 5!). Four down, one to go...and that includes three weddings in 18 months. Way to go Mom and Dad! The wedding was beautiful, the setting was gorgeous (close to sunset overlooking the water), and the bride was stunning. I'm lucky to have added another sister to my arsenal.

Some highlights from the weekend:

1. Beautiful ceremony, officiated by one of my brother's best friends, a rowdy kind of guy, who knocked my socks off with a touching, meaningful ceremony. I'm officiating my little sister's wedding in January--I may plant him in the audience and have him feed me my lines through an ear bud...

2. Teary vows and my little brother baring his heart, which is the trait I love him the most for. Hoping my son (named for him) gets this trait.

3. A sweet entourage of flower girls, of which all three were my adorable nieces, all of whom made it down the aisle flawlessly.

4. Ring bearers who actually got to carry and present the rings. I wasn't so brave at my wedding and my nephew (both a ringbearer then and in this wedding) declaring to my mother that he really didn't know why he was carrying the pillow if there were no rings...

5. Catching up with relatives I don't see frequently, including meaningful conversations with two of my aunts, who I really haven't gotten to know well before. Hoping to hold on to and cultivate the relationships.

6. The unexpected surprise attendance by my best childhood friend's husband (wow, that was wordy!), who is only home here and there for the next few months as he is on worldly Navy SEAL missions. We think about and pray for his safety often!

7. Catching up with said childhood best friend--who amazes me more than anyone else I know--two young kids, she not only holds it altogether pretty flawlessly, even with oft-absent hubby, but does so radiantly.

8. Lots of people getting to meet Jack for the first time.

B. and K.--congratulations! We love you and hope for a love that grows deeper and deeper each day. Your relationship has been a treat to watch grow into the one soul you forged on Saturday. We love you!

America's Next Top Model...

2008-08-04T18:44:00.000-07:00

Isn't he cute????

We had a busy, but fun, weekend. Saturday was full of bachelor fun for Jared as he helped my little brother celebrate his LAST WEEKEND as a single guy. They did a tour of local breweries on a party bus which, judging by the pictures and the boys' slurry speech upon return, seemed to be quite the good time. Jack and I also did a tour--albeit of cousins. We started at my older brother's house, visited with Cousins A. and P. and Auntie K. and then headed over to my older sister's for a visit with cousins M. and C. My sister and family have been on a week-long trip to Colorado, during which time I sorely missed her and her entertaining blog entries. At least I was kept entertained by her "In 25 Words or Less" sidebar. Then, feeling rather ambitious and with a fed and rested baby, Jack and I headed over to Babies R Us for some pictures. They turned out great and we were in and out in less than an hour. Can't really beat that.

On Sunday, we took Jack to his first ENTIRE church service since being baptized. All in all, he did great. He was rather entertained by the stained glass and the nice man sitting next to us, who he treated to gummy smiles. We then headed to the Race Track to see the ponies run for a company-sponsored Sunday at the races. It was a lot of fun and made me want to go back before the season is over. It's been a long time since I've been to the races and I forgot how much fun it can be. Alas, no money won but a good time was had by all.

Updates

2008-07-27T17:28:00.000-07:00

14.5 lbs!!! That's right folks--at 5 months, Jack is 14.5 lbs, almost catching up to his peers! It seems as though Jack has exploded with new things lately! It's amazing to watch him come alive and discover the world. Definitely a lesson in seeing things through virgin eyes...

Last Sunday, after much effort on his part, Jack finally rolled from his back to his tummy! He had been able to roll from his tummy to his back for a couple of weeks and had recently been stuck on his side trying to get from back to front. Once he did it, he practiced all week long and has now mastered the art of rolling as a mode of transportation! He's already trying to pull his legs up under him, ostensibly in preparation for crawling. I can wait on that for a while, though! With the rolling, he has discovered his toes, which are now spending quite a lot of time in his mouth. He's also become SO verbal! Loves hearing his voice, squeals constantly and babbles away. It's so cute and I am loving this new stage. His Auntie and Uncle recently bought him an exersaucer, which he is spending a lot of time in. It fun to watch him discover all of the different toys.

Since he's been so into moving and sitting in his Bumbo seat and basically being up with the big people, I thought it might be time to break out the highchair and let him sit in it while we eat. Well, I think I forget sometimes how bitty my baby still is...he practically disappeared in it and looked SO little. I think it will be a little while before we try it again.

The Wide, Wide Web World

2008-07-24T12:46:00.001-07:00

One of the best things about this new world of "blogging" and internet bulletin boards are the friends you make along the way and the exposure to people's lives, stories, etc. that you wouldn't otherwise have.

I really didn't know much about blogs (I thought they were all political animals or things like Myspace) until my sister started hers a little less than a year ago. I also really didn't know much or care much about the bulletin boards until I got pregnant and was diagnosed with a pretty rare uterine anomaly that can have some negative effects on pregnancy. Being a paranoid pregnant person to begin with, I promptly googled my condition and came across this bulletin board of women with my same problem. The ladies on that board were all in the same boat as I was and I was able to draw on their experiences. For the most worrisome part of my pregnancy, they kept me afloat. A couple of those ladies have become near and dear friends, even if we've never met in person.

My sister's blog opened my eyes to the wide world of blogs. I found Tricia and Nathan's story on Blogger, which opened my eyes to Cystic Fibrosis and Nate's blogs about their NICU experience helped prepare me for some of what to expect when Jack was born early, even though our experiences were very different. Through commenters on some of these blogs, I've been turned on to others and now have a whole list of those I read and have been fortunate enough to actually email back and forth with some of the writers. I just think all of these new resources and experiences are so cool.

Please Pray...

2008-07-23T07:21:00.000-07:00

I posted earlier about Tricia and Nate Lawrenson's journey through cystic fibrosis, lung transplant, and the very premature birth of their daughter, Gwyneth. They've been blessed with a lot of miracles in the past year and they need another one. Tricia developed a type of post-transplant cancer, which did not respond well to the first round of chemo. She is facing a much harder road of treatment. Please pray for her health, her ability to face the treatment with the same resolve she has approached everything else in her life, and for a good response to the treatment.

New Life, New Love

2008-07-21T20:01:00.001-07:00

Jack was baptized on Saturday. It was a beautiful ceremony--and so meaningful for us after Jack's rocky start in life. The best part: as the priest poured the water over his head, he broke out in a huge smile, as if he knew what was happening.

The ceremony was followed by a reception at my parents' house and, as usual, my mother put on a beautiful party with lots and lots of yummy food. Jared's brother and sister-in-law came in from Arizona as Jack's godparents, and we all had a lot of fun with their three girls who are getting SO big, SO fast. My little sister was also in town from D.C., which was a special treat.

On Sunday, we celebrated some more at my future sister-in-law's bridal shower. It is amazing to see how quickly our family is growing. I feel so grateful that Jack is surrounded by aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Confessions of a CF Husband

2008-07-17T17:12:00.000-07:00

I wanted to take a moment today to share a blog that I've been following for a while now--we have a link to it on the side of this blog. It's an AMAZING story about a man, Nate, and his wife Tricia and the journey they've been on for the past year (well, they've been on the journey for longer than that but the past year is the part I've been reading).

A brief synopsis of their story: Tricia was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis as a child. For anyone reading this who doesn't know anything about Cystic Fibrosis, it is a genetic disease that causes mucus to build up in organs (especially the lungs), inhibiting the ability to breathe and resulting in deadly infections. There is no cure for CF and many people die young from the disease. Tricia and Nate married and she harbored a secret wish to have a baby. However, her health was declining and they were beginning to prepare for a double-lung transplant when she found out she was pregnant. Because her lung functions were so compromised, carrying the baby was extremely risky. In January, Gwyneth Rose was born at 24+4 weeks gestation--weighing just 1 lb 6 ozs! In the months that followed, miraculously, Tricia received her lung transplant and baby Gwyneth beat the odds and was discharged from the NICU and is now growing at home with her daddy, mommy and mommy's new lungs.

This story is one of courage, amazing faith, and hope. Through all of the ups and downs, Nate has faithfully shared his story with the world and their attitudes toward their journey has been humbling, to say the least. These are people who, instead of bemoaning their circumstances are on a mission to educate people about CF, premature birth, and their faith in God.

I started following this story when I was pregnant with Jack and during times when I was scared and unsure of how things were going to turn out, when it seemed like we got a lot of bad news at our prenatal visits, their story refocused my faith and reminded me that the greatest miracles happen with you relinquish control and turn it over to God. When Jack was born early, as we had anticipated, I knew some of the things to expect from the NICU stay from their experiences.

Since I've been reading this for so long, and have benefitted from the story, we felt led to help the CF cause and donate to Nate and Tricia's team for the Great Strides (CF) Walk. I encourage anyone reading this to read their story and try to help them meet their goal.

Thanks for sharing your story with the world, Nate!

Little Grads

2008-07-15T20:22:00.001-07:00

We had a great weekend this past weekend. On Saturday, Grammy and Grampy came for a visit and to go to the Little Grads Picnic (NICU Reunion). It was wonderful to see all of Jack's nurses and doctors and some of our friends from the NICU. There were over 1,000 people there! It was so heartwarming to see how well these babies have done! The picnic reminded both me and Jared how lucky we were to have kept Jack in for as long as we did--but it also a lot of fun to see how far he's come since his days in the hospital. We have a lot to be thankful for!
Here are some of the highlights from the day:

Jack and C.P, his very first nurse!:

Jack and J., one of his primary nurses:

This is V., who was Jack's "neighbor" for most of her stay. She was a 24-weeker who went home about 3 weeks after Jack and She's doing great. Her mom and I got to be friendly during our stay.

Here's me and Jack with Grammy!

Finally, just Jack, being cute:

Angels

2008-07-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, we received two of the cutest little Padres outfits for Jack, a gift from one of his primary nurses during his NICU stay. Today, I had a chance to catch up with her, the first time since we brought Jack home. It's hard to believe it's been over 3 months since Jack came home and we left our life in the NICU behind. During our conversation today, I was reminded of how very lucky we were to have the care we did when Jack was in the hospital.

C. was one of our primary nurses, which refers to a team of nurses you establish during a prolonged NICU stay in order to achieve continuity of care. Your primary nurses will be assigned to your baby whenever possible when they are on during a shift. We were really lucky to have a wonderful team of primary nurses, and C. and J. were two of our favorites. They loved our baby when we couldn't be there, cared about our well-being, helped us navigate through the sometimes very confusing world of doctors and treatments and prepared us to bring him home. They were truly our lifelines during that month. I am forever grateful for the care we received.

Here is one of my favorite pics from our NICU days--of C. with Jack just days before he came home. Thanks, C. for everything you did for us--you are in our thoughts frequently. Thanks, also, to all NICU nurses for the kind of work you do.

I Love My Bottle

2008-07-02T20:38:00.000-07:00

Jack has been having a love affair with his bottle ever since he came home after learning how to eat without subsequently turning blue, an unfortunate by-product of being a preemie. Once he got the hang of it, though...well, just try taking the bottle away until he has had every last bit left in it.

His newest first...helping hold the bottle. He'll hold it for a few seconds before his arms get too tired but today, he held it for a couple of minutes. I think he's pretty darn cute!

Happy 1st Anniversary

2008-06-30T18:29:00.003-07:00

Jared,
Happy 1st Anniversary! I could have never anticipated the year we would have when we stood at the altar a year ago--but you have given me the best year of my life. It's been a sometimes rough road but we made it through and more than just intact--we are bigger (by 12 lbs 11 ozs!)fuller, and more complete than I ever imagined we could be. Thank you for being so steady and loving, for being my caregiver when I needed you, for never leaving my side, and for reminding me to stay "in the wheelbarrow" when things were uncertain. You show me the love you have for your family every day in every way--the way you giggle and coo at our baby, the way you always make me feel loved and wanted and appreciated, the way you seem to effortlessly balance school, work, and family. My faith in God hasn't waivered once--I just have to look at you to be reminded of how much He loves me. I love you more and more every day and I can't wait for the years to come. Here are a few of my favorite images from this year. I love you.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Bumbo Baby

2008-06-28T11:49:00.000-07:00

Jack's been getting bored always being on his back and loves being propped in a sitting position between our legs. So, we decided it was time to try him out in the Bumbo seat. He loves it! He does pretty well sitting up in it; still a little wobbly and he gets tired pretty fast, but he loves being able to reach for his toys and play with them.

My college roommate was in town for a visit last night--we got to spend the evening catching up and reminiscing about our college days (for the record, my husband thinks we were big dorks--I guess it's good that he met me in my "cooler days" post-college?!?!). She brought Jack the toy he's playing with in the picture. It's the first toy he can actually get to play music and light up on his own--oh, and it doesn't have an "off" button. Thanks, B., for bringing the "counting" song into our lives. I'm sure we will be humming it at work for months to come. :-)

We received these Trumpette socks as a baby gift and I didn't think much of them. Jared put them on Jack a couple of weeks ago and I LOVE them. He gets compliments on them whenever we are out and about.
I couldn't help myself, I added to the repertoire and got him this cowboy boot version:

It's a Tough Life...

2008-06-25T19:47:00.000-07:00

...being a baby... :-)

It's been a big week! Jack turned 4 months old on the 22nd! We had his 4-month appointment today and he is now a whopping 12 lbs 11 ozs and has made it to the 10th percentile for weight (up from the 4th percentile at his last well-baby visit and not even making it on the charts at birth!). Looks like he might catch up within the first year!

Jack started daycare this week, as well. We found a wonderful woman just a few doors down the hill from us--she has been watching kids for 20 years this year at the same location and Jared went to school with one of her sons. It's very clear how much the kids there love her...so we are grateful we've found such a great arrangement. We're adjusting to early mornings and the added drop-off and pick-up part of our day...

Life has been keeping us on our toes lately. The FDIC folks are still in "visiting" me at work and as soon as this contingency leaves (they will have been here for 5 weeks), the next group arrives for another go at me. We'll see if I'm still standing after it's all over. Jared's summer term at school has begun--he's excited to be taking a digital photography class, so stay tuned for some new pictures! Thanks Dad, for loaning him the camera to make it all possible!

2008-06-21T10:18:00.000-07:00

This morning, I was checking out my sister's blog, in which she basically paid homage to the Indigo Girls. My sister has always been the queen of music in my family and generously shared her love of music through custom-made mixed tapes and mixed CDs. She somehow managed to always make a mixed tape that was fitting to my place in life (no easy feat given that she is quite a bit older than me and lived thousands of miles away during my middle and high school years). These mixed tapes were always aptly named, as well (I had "Melancholia" during my angsty teen years)...and have been the soundtrack for my life through various stages. My baby son even has a mixed CD of lullabies she made for him. Many of my favorite artists I have discovered through the magic of her playlists. So, it was with some humor that I read her most recent post and many of her quoted lyrics brought me back to one of my teenage summers...

My sister was embarking on one of her worldly travels that summer and entrusted me with her vast collection of CDs. This was very generous but probably not too smart if she was intending to return to her complete collection. During that summer, I fell in love with the Indigo Girls (specifically, the Rites of Passage album), Cowboy Junkies, Emmy Lou Harris, and a few others...and I, being of little money, "kept" (to put it nicely) the Rites of Passage CD. I even put my initials on the CD so as to foil anyone who might question its ownership (I doubt I fooled anyone). I still have it to this day. And, I still listen to it.

So, thanks sister...you may have lost a CD in the process but you've introduced me to some of my favorite music, music that has become part of my history. For the record, if you want your CD back, I'll give it to you. :-)

Million Dollar Baby...

2008-06-17T20:54:00.001-07:00

...or a quarter of a million dollars, at least. We got the bill for Jack's NICU stay today and I'm feeling grateful for insurance. He's worth every penny...and a lot more.

Happy 1st Father's Day!

2008-06-15T20:34:00.000-07:00

My husband celebrated his first Father's Day today, right on the heels of his birthday yesterday (happy birthday!). I don't think there was any way to make it special enough--my husband has earned the right to be called "Daddy." Jared has been my rock through this past year--steady, holding it all together and keeping me from falling apart when things were tough. His love for me and for our baby is unrivaled...we've traveled a lot of road during our first year of marriage and he never once wavered on the course. He always puts me and Jack first--he never complained about sleeping on the uncomfortable, fold-out chairs in the hospital during my stay, or going to work in rumpled clothing (if you know my husband and his fetish for ironing, you would understand what a sacrifice this is), he never shied away even during the yuckiest parts of my hospital stay before (and after) Jack was born, he is the one up every 3 hours during the night to feed Jack...quite simply, he is the best husband and father I could have ever hoped for. Jared, I hope you had a wonderful first father's day and I am so proud to have you as my husband and proud every time I say "our baby".

I am lucky enough to not only have a husband who is a wonderful father but to have been raised by a wonderful father. I've always looked up to my father, who is kind, intelligent, thoughtful, generous and who loves his family so very much. It is from my father (and mother!) that I learned the value of family and it is through his love for my mother that I am learning to be a good wife. Thanks, Dad for all of your sacrifices for us, for keeping me afloat during those times I could have easily sunk, and for always believing in my best and never giving up on me.

Back to Work...

2008-06-02T20:46:00.000-07:00

Well, my maternity leave officially ended last night...and my return was celebrated by a visit from our friends at the FDIC (I am a compliance officer for a local bank). Last time they visited, I was getting married. Clearly, I have good timing when it comes to Major Life Events. So, Jack will spend the next two weeks with his daddy and his grandmothers for another two weeks before heading off to the wide world of day care. His father has already outdone my efforts to be June Cleaver...when I came home tonight, the linens had been stripped and changed, a healthy dinner was cooking, and Jack was happily eating his bottle in a cute, matched outfit. Generally speaking, when Jared would come home during my leave, he found me and Jack hanging out in the glider, watching reruns of Reba (don't ask...!?!?!), both of us in clothes smelling vaguely (some days less vaguely than others) like baby spit-up. I might feel somewhat inadequate if I weren't so touched that I have a husband so awesome that he can manage the house, the baby, going to school part time and putting up with me. I'm going to miss those wasteful afternoons...I hope I enjoyed them enough.

My four year-old niece is scheduled for a pretty major surgery tomorrow. My heart hurts for my sister as she has already had to watch her daughter struggle through two failed, less-invasive but still challenging attempts to fix the issue. We're praying the surgery goes well and my niece has as easy a recovery as possible.

June Already?!?!?

2008-06-01T13:35:00.000-07:00

Amazing where a year goes...and so fast! Last year at this time, we were a mere month away from our wedding and now we are watching our little baby get bigger every day! We've had a lot of things to celebrate this past year--our wedding, Jared's new job, a new baby...

In other news, on Friday we took a trip down to Coronado to see my childhood friend Brigid and her two kids, James (2) and Alexis (6 mos). Brigid and I have long hoped a marriage between someone in our families would make us "real" family...so I'm now pinning my hopes on Jack and Alexis...their first date did seem to go well. :-)

On Saturday, Jared and I got a glimpse of what life might have been like with twins...we watched our 6 month-old Goddaughter, Katy, while her parents and older sister went to Disneyland. We survived and had a lot of fun in between--but I think we'll be holding off on any new additions to this family any time soon.

Recent developments...Jack has discovered himself in the mirror--he may not know it's himself but he's quite smitten with the "baby in the mirror"--as am I.

Memorial Day Weekend

2008-05-26T17:51:00.001-07:00

This weekend, we celebrated one of our best friends' graduation from San Diego State University. What an accomplishment--since he started down this road, he has gotten married and seen the birth of two beautiful little girls. Kudos to his wife, who has spent many nights at home alone with a toddler and a newborn--cheering him on all the way. We're very proud of his accomplishments!

As we enjoy the beautiful weather this weekend and all of the blessings in our life, we also remember those men and women who have given their lives for this country--we are so grateful for that sacrifice.

3 Months Old!

2008-05-17T10:34:00.000-07:00

J. will turn 3 months old next Thursday! We can't believe how quickly the time has passed or how quickly he has grown! Our teeny baby boy is now over 10 lbs and getting bigger every day! He is smiling all the time now and becoming more and more interactive every day. He loves his hanging butterflies and has gotten very good at grabbing hanging toys.

We are fortunate to live close to some of his cousins, who have showered him with affection. Most notably, his two-year old cousin C. is one of his greatest fans--and on her way to being a great babysitter--check out the picture of her helping feed J.!